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Okay I'll start off where my crappy day started off....in my dreams...while I was sleeping.

I had a dream (and I'm just going to skip to the important part because details are useless in this situtation) and in it at some point I kissed this guy whom I hate. My boyfriend (in the dream) was right there and of course he was very upset. In the dream I didn't talk to him until a day later and he was pissed. He barely forgave me and finally he did. When I woke up I felt horrible.

Then it proceeded into gym where we had to do a gay fitness test and run a mile in 12 minutes. I have asthma...I can't run. But I tried and paced myself but almost had an asthma attack....adding to my pissy mood. I did not feel good after that.

Then I head into science and have to listen to a lecture from my teacher and have to do a stupid paper. I got almost NOTHING done. I was pissed off and went into my next class with a horrible mood.

Math class (my class after science) pissed me off almost to my wits end. I realized I had C-lunch and I wanted B-lunch because it's one of the only times I get to see my boyfriend in the week. I only get to have lunch with him B-days and I was looking forward to seeing him since we hadn't seen much of each other at all this week. I also had to take a test in Math...I know I failed it.

Then I went into health. I had a b***h named Page ******** making fun of Ryan and myself and I swear to god I'm going to be the first to kill her. I had a very crappy day and then when I got out of school Zak had to leave immedatly....even less time to spend with him.

I feel like crying to be honest with anyone reading this. I feel like shooting myself right about now. I know I'm going to fail the thing we have tomorrow in German class and honestly I'm not looking forward to anything tomorrow...I know what this attitude means....I know completely what it means and I'm not looking forward to anymore of this.

I need to see a doctor. I know I have said for a long time I wouldn't take meds but I ******** sick and tired of being depressed all the ******** time and usually feeling like a worthless piece of s**t. I always do...every day and my ex, when I broke up with him, he only put salt on the wound.

Now everytime I look anywhere I'm scared I'll see Zak holding hands with another girl or something like that. It's not that I don't trust him, because I do and I know he would never do something like that, it's just a lot of the time I feel like I'm infferiory to other girls and that one day...he'll find someone better...and if that day comes I know that the wound will be deep...and I'll probably give up on love all together and just try to fix other people's lives, though I couldn't fix my own.