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I based this letter on the feeling I get right after talking to Josh Bauer. I had just gotten off the phone with him (and was on the verge of tears) and I just let hell run loose on it.

If you would like me to write a letter especially for you, than PM me your story, how it makes you feel, a brief and straight to the point description of the other person and your username. I would like to know what the person did to you in as much detail as possible so I can find a way to feel your pain.

Here's the second letter of my series: From the Girl to the Guy who Loves Her

Dear You,

I hate you with every cell in my body. Why? You make me honest when I want to be a liar. You make me pale when I finally find color. You make cold when I have found warm. You’re the fire that scorches my soul, the sensation that rips through my broken wings.

I fly high, higher and higher until I’m almost touching the sky. My wings, like fingers, brush ever so gently against my goal, a freedom beyond this world. The wind carries me up and fills me with the freshness of a better, brighter day. The sun illuminates my eyes; I can see through the hurt and pain that surrounds me. I am eager to get there, to reach the fruits of my labor.

And then you call me. Your words are like Hell’s binding chains!! They encircle me and pin my wings to my body. I can’t move, can’t breathe, and too scared to think or fight. The chains squeeze me, cutting off the air and sending shudders of pain through me. I’m falling from the sky so fast that my head spins and I feel weightless, helpless. My goals, my dreams, my plans—they twist away from my grasp.

I can’t lie to you anymore. The hatred that hides deep in my heart had burned through every mask that I’ve attempted to hide it with. It thrashes, searing my wings. You make me weak and helpless, and for that, I hate you. You make tear my wings away and leave me here to bleed. The darkness of Hell is what I see when I look into your dark brown eyes.

“Bittersweet”—there’s no better word to describe your voice. Caring? Concerned? No, that’s not right. I don’t know what magic you weave into your sentences to make me honest. I don’t know why you keep invading my mind and heart to try and “understand” me. There’s nothing here but selfish wishes for my family’s happiness and health and a sea of tears. There’s nothing left to understand.

I don’t know why you tear me open. Do you like seeing me defenseless, scared? Do you want to see all the invisible scars that cover my heart, the sore places where people have struck me with ruthless words? Do you want to see me on my knees, crying and screaming for the things I’ve done. What kind of masochistic b*****d are you? What kind of person does this?

You ask me out and I say no. I don’t want to because I’m trying to be your friend. I don’t want to lose that but a part of me has already lost all of my respect for you. The others who care for me don’t call. They don’t pry into my life and try to analyze my thoughts. They watch from afar like you should. You think you can win me over with time but you can’t. I don’t love you like that. To be honest, I never will.

You’re angry. You’re sad. You’re going to talk me out of it, apologize with the most sincere tone you can muster. I can almost imagine your face: pale, scared, confused…like a child who’s just realized the truth. How do I feel? I’m fine. To be honest, I’m better than fine. I’m GREAT. Why? Because you’ve gotten this far and are inches closer to bursting through your ignorance.

Still, I want to be your friend. Why do you have to make it so hard? Why do have to interfere and make me tell you things that I shouldn’t. The truth is that I was angry and jealous. I wanted what you had and I wanted to let you know just how bad I had it. You don’t appreciate what you have. I appreciate what little I can get. You don’t deserve to be my friend but I keep giving you the chance.

Stop asking me. Stop trying to make me fall for you. I won’t. I never will. Why? I am the kind of person who wants to fly on my own, the kind who doesn’t want to be held back. I hate that you do that. I hate that you try. Sometimes, I wish you would disappear. I don’t want your love. Give it to someone who does. I don’t need you or anything from you. Don’t try to convince me that I do.

Don’t tell me to let it out. Don’t you dare ask me to cry or be weak for “my sake”. Don’t ask me to give you a chance. Don’t ask me to do anything or say anything at all. I don’t owe you a thing. I have my life and you have yours. Live it and live it without me.

My wings are tired. My arms are tired. One day, I won’t take this. One day, I won’t be able to. One day, you’ll break me wide open and finally find what you were looking for: a little girl with nothing felt to spare. On that day, you’ll have broken me one too many times. On that day, my wings will have withered and evaporated. On that day, you’ll have killed everything alive inside me.

Is that what you want? Is that what you are searching for? When you get what you want, will you stop? When you get what you want, who’ll be next? I feel bad for you. It’s not me who should be pitied for my misfortune. It’s YOU. I will be strong, if not for myself than for the people I love. I will reach my dreams for my sake. One day before you break me beyond repair with your invasion, I will break free of the chains. I will fly higher and higher until you won’t be able to reach me. I’ll be far, far away.

I hope you find someone to love. I hope someone will love you. I’m sorry that it can’t be me. Someday, I know that you’ll be happy and maybe we can be friends. I hope you’ll let me go. I hope you’ll let me fly. I know that one day, someday, you will understand.

Goodbye,
ME