Hmm, well usually I come to my journal, sit my lazy a** down and type up some s**t that usually pertains to something hilarious, not lately though. It's kinda like life is bangin down on my door, but I refuse to answer that s**t.
First thing, my mom....I swear I thought it was a bad dream and I hoped it was. She called me from her truck, her voice was a bit shaky so I knew she was crying. She said her blood sugar was higher than what it needed to be, automatically it clicks in my head as diabetes. So I try to calm her down, she feels a bit better and returns to work. Then the next day, she talks to one of the doctors at her job, and he tells her she has it. So she tells me over the phone, I knew how she felt. Hell I even cried because I knew my uncle died three weeks earlier from the exact same thing. Now this is where I'm hoping it was a damn dream, a joke or something. I'm hoping she calls me and says "nah I'm just kiddin ya." But it aint like that. For a few days she's quiet around the house, I am too. I don't even want to talk to anyone, but I tried not to let on. That night, all I can remember is laying down in the dark, trying to sleep. I looked up at the ceiling of my basement and for whateva reason, I start talking. I said " God...you can't do this, you know as much as I know that you can't do it...it ain't fair to either of us..." After I slept, I felt a bit better. So yesterday, she had to go back to the docs. She comes home and she's in a better mood, she told me she ain't have diabetes. The doc before gave her false info, so that was a powerful relieve off my shoulders. She has to be careful though, that s**t was a close call so me and her are gonna be changing what we eat.
Now onto a subject I covered already. Jobs and how it's hard now-a-days. Me and my bro Kaze had a chat today. It seems I'm not the only one who's been havin some issues with a job acquiring. He's been trying his a** off like me, and I know it's nothing to do with his past history, he's one of the smartest people I know. Anyway he brought up a good point about something. He went to a company called Vector to get a job wearing a suit, tie, dress shoes, and he had a portfolio. Now keep in mind he's dressed like a pro, but also there for the job are what we distinguish from us regular black people and the deep from the hood black people<I won't use the word we use all the time because people may take it as offensive even though I dont care..>. He goes to talk to the guys and gets the short end of the stick. The other people, dressed in saggy shorts, long T-Shirts, gym shoes and sunglasses go to talk to them, and they get the application AND the interview.........what.....the......hell?
The world has finally become a** backwards. It seems that old expression "Nice guys finish last" is starting to become true. A good example, I live in The D........THEESE FOOLS.....sell drugs, sling dope, steal, kill and they still have jobs.....they livin nice....they have a nice girl.....but good guys like me and my bros, who've been tryin to get a job to do something with ourselves, get the boot and dirt in our face. Now I'm not really one to complain, but when I see the ghettoest <not a word I know -_-> person in a job that I applied for, it kinda pisses me off. ******** maybe....maybe I should become the bad one then....start slingin dope....sellin ******** up out community with more s**t we don't need around our future within our children. Just maybe I should start speakin illiterate garbage from my mouth....maybe I should go get a fitted hat, some baggy a** pants, a pair of jordans and some gold teeth for my next interview.......it seems to work for the other who don't even need the job......the world is just ******** now.....
Virje Blackcross Community Member 
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