Hey readers!!
Itz been a while since my last post and I've missed writing to you all.
Well...my relationship with K. Waio has been a little frustrating as many of my friends know. One moment, he's making my heart skip a beat and another, he's annoying the hell out of me, then, he's ignoring me or i can't figure out what to say.
We've been going out for almost three weeks. That's a LONG TIME. For ME at least. K. Waio is really sweet. He's always very close to me. We're always hugging or holding hands nowadays. He's so...forward. It scares me a little that he's already claiming that he loves me. All I can do is repeat the same.
We rarely ever talk. When we do, itz usually when someone else is with us or if I'm arguing with his friends. Actually, I get along better with his friends. I'm always joking around with them but I kant seem to REALLY connect with K. He's so distant emotionally. I never know what he's thinking or how he's feeling.
He doesn't tell me about his life, what he likes or dislikes. We almost never just CLICK like that like I do with others. There's very little..."chemistry" I guess. Idk. Maybe's itz me. I have my own issues concerning relationships.
My own friend will back this statement: I am a famous flirt. I flirt, consciously and subconsciously. Eye contact, small smiles, perfect pick-up lines...I've mastered them all--as well as how to reject someone. Because I am such a big flirt (NOT A SLUT, JUST A FLIRT), I have relationship problems. I CAN'T COMMIT and I CAN'T KEEP MY EYES STRAIGHT.
What I mean is that I don't expect ANYTHING from him. Nothing. At. All. I should expect more. Something at least be I don't even expect him to fight for me. Nor do I want him to. Itz kinda like "if you do, you do. if you don't, w/e". And also, if I get jealous, I convert back to my old self as his punishment.
Um...Idk. Itz weird. I should be...idk, awkward around his friends. But I'm more comfortable with them than him. He's just so........memtally distant. He doesn't listen to what I say or care what I do. Just that I'm with him. He won't leave my side unless I really have to go or his friends are calling him. Even then, he invites me. Which I saw no. I need space. DUH!
He's a great guy but I am not counting on anything. Whatever will be will be. I will not let myself fall completely because I'll just end up broken again. I don't even know why I am feeling this way. I guess itz cuz every time Kimerald and Kathx3 are mean to him, I doubt myself. I care too much about what my friends think. Itz like betrayal if you don't listen.
Jonochan broke up with his gf Denise L. I've known her for 3 years. She was my "little sister". It was in the park. Supposedly, he broke up with her. She was kinda quiet in class today. I thought she might cry.
Jordyn (girl) broke up with Anthony. He text messaged me afterschool. He said that she gave him anote that she wanted to break up. He was pissed. We talked for like...a little more than half an hour. He's a kool guy. Really sweet too. He sings to his girlfriends...
I guess that everyone's rushing to hook up. Itz da end of the year. I might break it off before the summer and give him some freedom. I might keep it going over the phone...although we'll probably sit there for an hour saying nothing. He's not very interesting....no offense, K. I'm taking things as they come, rite now. Trying 2 perserve my humanity and privacy.
I just wanna end this year on good terms. No regrets, just thank yous and smiles.
Well...here is my secret-->
1] Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to break up with K.
2] I imagine my friends as part of weird couples...(i.e. Kathx and K or Kimerald and Stefano.)
3] I'm genuinely afraid of Jacob Burkhardt (but i dunt show it).
the cheese to my macaroni Community Member 
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