I've had other bfz before. But I'd never been so serious as to kiss them at all. There were light pecks on the cheek and long, warm hugs. We even got to fall asleep on each on a rainy day afterschool. And as much as I had dreamt of it, I never did kiss any of them.
Thatz not to say I didn't love them on sum kinda level. I did. But it wasn't much more than a level above a friend I guess. If it had, maybe the relationships wudda lasted longer, no? I dunt see any of them around anymore. Just one who still goes to me church. Hez tall as hell and kinda buff. I feel nothing at all but intense annoyance wen hez near me.
Well...thatz all said and dun tho. I'll probably NEVER get to see them again (thank god) and I really hope that maybe this time around will be better. Itz been a while since I had a decent relationship. I'm not a commitment person. I flirt and play around but I'm just, u know, not into longtime stuff.
My friends (they're horrible ppl but i luv dem) say itz my flaw. They say dat I'm kinda slutty in a way even if itz just talk. I dunt know. I dunt FEEL like I'm dat way. I think I'm NORMAL. It's just talking, rite?
I got into dis horrible fight with D. Griff and Jonochan and J. Eche earlier. I got sooo pissed that I took off da necklace dat J. Eche gave me and slammed it onto da desk. I said, "Look, if itz gunna be a money issue, then screw u and u can HAVE ur necklace."
Not the best thing to say, of course. It looked like he was gonna cry or sumthing. I felt no remorse...and then it hit in during lunch like a big, bad sledge hammer. OWWIE. I felt kinda guilty about it. I got to keep da necklace because Jonochan nearly choked my to death putting it back on me. I thought I was gonna die.
BTW: Jonochan, D. Griff and D. Stone are my brothers. I'm Asian. Jonochan is Mexican. D. Griff is African American. D. Stone is white. WEIRD COMBO, no? Well...datz just a little bit about dem.
Anywayz...about a week ago on a wednesday i guess.... my crush asked my out. And I said "sure". So I'm in a totally great mood. He's athletic, sweet and funny. Things are a little awkward now but I really like him even if my friends kinda disapprove and my mom wud KILL me. YIKES!!
He kissed me yesterday aftenoon (eeeeeeeekk!!). Um, it was soft and warm. I luv his lips. Now I'm all self-conscious and I couldn't stop smiling all day. I'm not sure how long it'll last but I'm pretty kool....
As for my loyal, beautiful friends:
I LUV U GUYS. UR MY ONE AND ONLY STARZ AND I NEVER LUVED ANYONE SO MUCH B4!!! I'LL MISS U GUYS NEXT YR BUT NO WORRIES!! U'LL LIVE ON IN MY HEART!!!
Until the end of the year, I'll post all my hidden secrets in my journal. Everything that I never got to confess during da year cuz i was too scared to say will be here. I really will tell u guys sum stuff u didn't know so...keep an eye on my journal!!
3 STRANGE SECRETS?!
1] I had a crush on 2 of my friend Kathx3's crushes during this year. I never told her, tho i should have, but it was JONOCHAN (last year in January i think) and RAMIREZ (in November).
2] At the beginning of the year, I HATED Z. Alo but I dunt think I ever told her.
3] I secretly resent everyone who says anything bad about my friends by torturing and killing them in my mind before I sleep. If that isn't devotion, I don't know what is...
UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!
imma heartbreaker
and you shouldn't get involved with me...
and you shouldn't get involved with me...
