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I've donated like... 70k this month. And now I have a dream avi. xD
Help me out.

So, I had surgery Thursday. On my chest. Kinda sucks... a little painful, but nothing big. Workin' at Blockbuster now. Thinking about getting a second job as a server somewhere or something... not really sure. July comin' up. Transformers early in the week, Fourth of July carnival all week long. August, Hot Fuzz comes out and it'll be my Birthday on the 22nd. I'll hopefully be in school... though I don't really see it happening. I wish I was ambitious. Other than that, nothing really going on in my life. Just... tryin' to get by.
[/pointless entry]

Funny how every time I listen to this song, no matter how good my day was, it always seems to remind me where I am in life. I can't get her out of my mind... I don't think I love her... in fact, I know I don't love her. But something about her sets her apart from everyone. She's smart, open minded, gorgeous... and she cares for me the way I always wanted to be cared for. I feel, right now, that I want to spend every day with her. I've felt like that for a while. When I'm not with her, I miss her. And when I am with her, I smile constantly. I think this is a dangerous state because I don't want to get too attached to her because... well, she's not mine. This has never happened to me before. Granted, usually have a crush on a girl or two at most times during my life... but this is more than a crush. It's a strong, emotional attachment... as close to a relationship as you can get... without the envolvement of another person. I'm not sure what I'll do about this... I may just wait it out. I know she doesn't want to be with me and to be honest, I'm not even sure I want to be with her but I can't shake the feeling that I get when I'm with her. When we're together and she's in my arms... I feel like I'm on top of the world. I don't know right now... we'll see how this develops.

I'm sure everyone has their problems. In fact, it's stupid to assume otherwise. Lately, I've been confronted with many problems... not those of my own, but from that of some of my closest friends. I give sound advice and I like to think of myself as a good friend. I'd do anything for my pals and I would think that they would do the same for me. Anywho... Whenever a friend of mine has a problem, I talk to them, tell them everything will be alright... secure their feelings and fill them with courage to face the day. Just recently I've been flooded with problems from some of my female companions... talking about how shitty their boyfriends are and how much they upset them. So I watch movies with them, give them back rubs and fufill their every need... let them know that someone cares about them and that someone... is me. But after I treat them like the goddess they are, they always just give me a hug and send me on my way. I'm used. I don't expect them to break up with their boyfriends for me or to change their lives so that I get something out of what I've done for them... but it is nice to be appreciated. It's just like when a child does something that's completely monumental in their eyes and all their parents can say is "That's nice, dear." Every time I realize that I'm just being used by these people as a brace... as a last resort... I get that much closer to just saying "******** you. I need to take care of myself before I can worry about you," but I know I never will. I'm not really sure what the point of this journal entry is... Maybe it's because I've listened to Extentialism on Prom Night by Straylight Run fourty five times in a row, a lovely song by the way, that I just learned how to play on piano. Maybe it's just the fact that I really need someone to talk to... and unlike all my other friends... I don't have anyone to turn to for a brace... someone to fall back on that can make me feel good again. I have to jot it down in a journal and hope that I'll get a comment from a complete stranger that will say "Hey man... It's okay." I know by tomorrow I'll probably forget about all of this... I'll put aside my emotions so I can make it through the day without curling up in a ball in my room and cry myself to sleep while listening to the same song on repeat. This is a long entry... and to those who read it, thank you. Thank you for caring enough about a total stranger to delve into my emotional side... the side that not many will see, simply because they don't have the time to see it. If you comment on this, thank you. If not, that's cool too... but just know that whoever you lean on, whoever you rely on for support... make sure they can lean on you too.