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It's been almost 2 years.
I was never a very "dedicated" gaiaonline user. I only came on here to pass time. But I never thought that it would spark the consumption of nearly 2 whole years of my life.
It has been almost 2 years since I met BRAIN EATING Z0MBIE in May of 2009 on an Xbox Live forum on this very website. We first started off as xbox live friends, who would dominate the "nubs" as she used to say. We kinda were like "best xbox live friends". We texted a lot. Every day. All day. We developed feelings for one another, secretly, because we both thought that the other was completely against a long-distance relationship. We both admitted these feelings to one another while I was watching District 9 in theaters. A few months later, on November 15, 2009. I asked BRAIN EATING Z0MBIE to be my girlfriend — yes, long-distance. It started out great, it was amazing actually. We were in love.
But the idea of distance was stuck in both of our minds. I never really said anything because I believed Becca and I could last.
But only a few weeks before Becca and I had the chance to meet in person for the first time, she dumped me. I of course do not blame her whatsoever. She was happy and that is what mattered most to me. But when she got to California in the last week of June, Becca and I met up at an outdoor mall. The moment I looked into her eyes after she moved out from hiding behind her mom, I knew for a fact that I was in love with her. That I wanted to run up to her, wrap my arms around her, and kiss her. But I couldn't, because she was no longer mine.
But that next day when we went to Disneyland together, we were finally a REAL couple. Something I hadn't had before that. She made me feel complete.
A few days later, it was time for her to return home. And I had the feeling that it wasn't going to last once she got in her car with her family and left.
I was saying goodbye to my first real relationship.
It was only 2 months after she left — her first day of school — that she decided it would be best for us to "stay friends".
And at the time I hated the fact of being only her friend. And of course there was complications in our relationship that led up to this, she did not randomly decide to break up with me.
And to whoever may be reading this, let alone anyone reading this, they may ask why out of all places possible, I have decided to post my "love story" on a gaiaonline journal entry.
Well I put it here because I am finally letting all this emotion of the past with Becca out, officially putting it away, in this journal.
Since Becca and I technically "began" what we became on gaiaonline..why not have it be the end, right?
And maybe one day when we are older Becca and I may run into each other, or somehow gain contact.
But Becca, since I hope you are reading this, I can't have that contact be with you right this moment.
As I type this, remembering all the amazing memories you and I have created together, I'm also crying. I'm crying because this is the end to storing all those memories in my mind, an my heart.
I can no longer force myself to remember because it hurts too much.
I do love Becca, I always will. She will always be my first love.
If anyone asks me in twenty years "Who was the first love of your life?" I will straight up say "Rebecca".
To our memories and to our future -
Love,
Tyler..
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