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May 29, 2012

8:50 PM - 9:20 PM

Confusion. Mixed feelings. That's all I am sure of. No particular reason for these emotions, so why? What is bothering me? Is it because I want school to end badly? I don't think so. I just have to hang on for less than two weeks now. Hmm maybe? Everytime I get home from school or during the weekends, I keep telling my middle sister, Junina that she is lucky that she doesn't have school anymore. Jealousy perhaps? Eventhough, it will be a boring summer as well. I know I should hang out with friends and all that, but still, I feel like there is going to be a lot of time when we get off school, and before you know it... school will be back and I will be a junior. Life may come by fast sooner than you thought, but at the same time you want it to slow down... but then again, you want it to end fast. It's not like you can magically control your life and skip to the good parts. I don't know, I just feel so sad, annoyed, bothered, irritated, alright, and lazy at the same time. You can say that is very normal for people, well, for me. There must be something... is it because of this one situation? The one where I keep hearing the name "Cat-hand" repeatedly mentioned by others? It's odd because I don't even think of him, but in a course of a day, I at least hear his name come out of someone's mouth. I'd be happy if it was a sign that made me happy to remember him, but honestly, I do not want him to be back into my life. Yes, that is a bit harsh, but no... I just don't feel that way about him, I don't think I ever did. It was just a little crush than ran my mind, thinking that I did. Was it all psychology? I feel conceited to what I am about to say. In 5th period, I believe that he was staring at me at one point from the other side of the room. That really made me feel awkward. So then I never really looked around the room anymore. Also some previous day when I was walking with Anahita to her house... she told me that she thinks that Jack might like me. The reason for that is because she said that I've actually had a few deep conversations with him. I am flattered, but it was only about ever thinking of killing yourself, who his best friends are, and how his family was like. All I wanted was to get to know him a little bit. It was quite nice, but that was only when Adeeb wasn't there for the time being. Is it wrong to think/say that maybe I find some interest on him? But I don't want to, since I know that Anahita is confused whether she likes him more than as friend or what. Even I am too, but not as much as her. I know she likes him, but she just doesn't want to let it out. Also I am sorry for messing up the friendship between the two of them; I felt like I ruined it all by making them two feel awkward because of all the jokes I've made, and I blame you too Adeeb. Anyways, we are still too young to think or worry about any of this teenage love crap. haha. I don't necessarily worry about having a boyfriend or liking one, but like a little girl I am, I'd sometimes think of who I'm going to marry and all that. Yeah, yeah, a little bit too soon, but from what others say... the one who you are meant for is just out here, whether near or far. Kind of cool, don't you think? I've always thought that; I can't wait? But when do I know he is "the one"? I guess that is what the futures hold. Gotta brace myself and worry what's going on right now. My mind is just lingering with questions, and daydreams of the future. Let's just see what happens. I wonder where I will be when I am 29. Random number, just like life. Haha. :]