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I've fially done it. After years of seclusion and longing, I have a woman, and she has me.
Details at eleven.
 Scentless Aprentice · Wed Oct 19, 2005 @ 11:16pm · 3 Comments |
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My parents aren''t getting a divorce. They should, but oh no! That's not the right way to do things! 'We've worked things out." It looks like they have, but they're still unsatisfied with eachother. I hope they're not staying with each other just to keep appearences.
Anyway, I fell in love with a girl. Seriously. Love. An undying affection fo her. I went on a... *ahem* "Missions Trip" with my parent's church to Philadelhia. Whoo-hoo! Freedom for a week! It was fun, and I ended up helping a lot of homeless people, etc. I felt warm and happy inside, and all of that s**t that people say after they've done some humanitarian work. It really does feel good to help people like that, and I'll be going next year. No, I didn't get saved, or try to proseletize ye unholy sinners, but I did get a lot closer to her (Stephanie) and that was okay in my book.
Here's the problem: I can't talk to her anymore. The most I can say without blacking out and becoming excessively bashful is "Hi." I had something else to say, and I have been agonizing about this since the last update. I could do without sex with her, but I just want to be with her, to be confirmed as a part of her life, and not just anopther semi-attractive male who seems to hang around her once a week.
http://www.sonicstadium.org/music/index.php?gid=sa2&page=ost
Scentless Aprentice · Fri Aug 12, 2005 @ 03:16am · 0 Comments |
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From now on, no more talk about my semi-homosexual lifestyle, you know, as it seems to frighten you so much.
I've been doing schoolwork nonstop, trying to catch up to my deadline. I started the homeschooling program 3 month late, and that's never good. This has to be the worst computer program in existance, by the way. My dad, in his money grubbing fashion (okay, I'm spinning this a little, but... just flow with it) said that they could be charged for fraud. Oh, boy!
Yeah!
Money!
Whatever.
As of now, I think I might have somewaht of a girlfriend, or at least a friend who happens to be female. heart Her name is Stephanie, and I adore her. Does she adore me? I won't try to think about that. Whatever happens, happens, and if it sucks, there's always suicide.
(Kidding.)
I had something deep and philosophical to say, but I forgot. Something about birds....
Whatever. I'll write that when I feel ready. Hopefully, i'll have some interesting stories about Stephanie to tell you too. wink
Still kidding, but holding out hope:
Scentless
(I need to get my signature on my hardrive... and I need to learn how to stop typing.)
Scentless Aprentice · Fri Jun 03, 2005 @ 06:46pm · 1 Comments |
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s**t happens, and I just broke my arms on Donkey Kong. |
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Let's see.... my dad is an a*****e.
So is my mom. I won't go into details.
Anyway, I've realized how much it sucks to be a guy, at least when it comes to sex. (Please pardon any semi-graphicness)
Guys can't get laid unless they're either rich, attractive, influential, cunning, or filthy rapist bastards.
The rest of us get a raw deal.
Women can get laid any day of the week if they choose, simply because they have vaginas. As long as their faces don't look like raw hamburger meat, they can get a little nookie. Hell, I bet Terri Shiavo got more action in the hopice than I did, bless her souly-thing. Adn not only that, but females can have multiple orgasms. After the few sexual experiences I've hd, not only did I not find any release, I had to finish myself off. It would take me about 20-minutes to recharge if I had the opprotunity, too....
It's not fair. Wah-wah, angsty phase.
So, yesterday, I bought Donkey Kong: Jungle Beat. It came with those bongos and everything. It rocks. I can't tell you how fun this game is. You have to play yourself. The game looks better than people give it credit. I mean, it has some of the best fur textures that I've ever seen. I'm serious.
The only problem is that it tires you out more than DDR, and I suck at DDR.
*sigh* Thankfully, I'll be built like Adonis. If I can get a chance to play it.
I'm going to pry my brother from the bongos now.
Scentless Aprentice · Wed Apr 20, 2005 @ 10:39pm · 4 Comments |
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It's been ages since I've updated.
Sorry. I try to put "important" events in my journal, not just random tidbits of useless information. Unfortuantely, the abstracctions and word imagery in my head never see the light of day, due to my forgetfulness.
Anyway...
I think I might like school.
They have this "middle college" program in town- Highschoolers can attend a community college and earn high school and college credits. So theoretically, I could knock two years from my college stay. biggrin
That doesn't matter. This does:
NO MORE DRAMA.
Yes, no more childish antics, no more meat-heads, no more jock-o-rama.
But I digress.
Lately, I've been going through the whole angsty-depression thing, for nio reason at all. I've been masking it with playfulness, and stupid acts of rebellion and agression. I really need to get this s**t taken care of. I won't delve into it- it's too... icky to discuss, and I'm not in the right frame of mind.
Well, I've discovered that there is absolutely no hope of me getting into a loving relationship with another human being. In reality, I'm shy, and I appear to be callous and hollow. I can't relate to girls well at all, unless we're on friendly terms anyeway, and most of the girls that I'm friends with are too assertive, anyway. I'm glad for that much-I don't have to talk. I can sit there and listen intently. Even now, I don't have anything to say.
It wouldn't be possible for me to ask out a guy, either. I've slept with a few ( 1 by coercion and abuse, the other by mutual curiosity) and that's all they can be to me: ******** partners, rivals, enemies, or distant aquaintences.
Dear god, it's gotten to the point that I can't look into other people's eyes-it feels so voyeuristic, like I'm stealing something with my gaze. I'm ashamed of it.
My parents.. tehy don't know what's going on. They know something's up, but I can't tell them any of it.
How are a couple of ultra-conservative Christians going to take the fact that their son is not only severely emotionally distrought and depressed, but a bisexual (I think) to boot?
There goes my financial future. It's like I'm a prisoner here. The same constant routine, over and over again.
I wake up, eat, do school work on the other PC (the super-s**t 98. The one I'm typing on now is my "personal" computer, event hough I'm not allowed to put it in my room.), and go to work at the library. (a job that my mom wanted me to get, despite my protests) There is barely any time for me to be by myself. I'm forced to go to church on Wenesdays and Sundays. I don't really despise Christianity, but I hate most of the people there. They're so fake... it sickens me to see them draw their faces into arteficial smiles.....
Whoah. I've written a bit too much.
I'll update the invisible reader later.
Scentless Aprentice · Mon Apr 18, 2005 @ 07:07am · 0 Comments |
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Scentless_Aprentice: The Deviant Man. |
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Woot.
I just bought a spiffy Wacom tablet. (Do you notice how these enteries seem to center around my purchases? I'm no shallow like that. Really.)
It came with a basic Painter and Photoshop program, and that is good.
As for life in general.... peachy. I had to see my sister's cheerleading squad perform yesterday, and that was... hell. I mean, as much as I enjoy being around so many girl-parts (I'm ot a lecher, either).... no one should be exposed to the song "Mickey" so many times.
Most of the men their were eiter stereotypically gay (I like gay guys. I just don't like gay guys that fall into people's stereotypes about homosexuals, though. I mean, the broken-wristed, spring in his step, talks with a lisp, pink sheer-topped homosexual that can shoot rainbows out of his be-thonged buttocks. They're annoying), or *****. I saw a dad (I can only assume, of course) putting his mouth to a 14-year-old (assumption) girl's bare navel (she was wearing one of those cheerleady-things without ab-covers.... God, I'm out of it) and blowing air into it, while he cradled her in a fashion best suited for lovers...
Ugh.
Gamingness: The Best Fighter ever:Eternal Fighter Zero. There's a demo here. Just download the first thing on the EFZ downloads page. Even though I can't find an English moves list, nor understand 99% of anything said in the game, it still rocks.
Maybe, if I'm nice, they'll translate it. Or I'll just find a patch.
Scentless Aprentice · Sun Mar 06, 2005 @ 10:01pm · 1 Comments |
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I was going to write a narrative, but I didn't feel into it. Whenever I write, I do it spontaneously. If it's planned, it feels forced... weak.
Like the one I wrote last week. It was a lovely little piece of s**t, but I forgot to save it. The thing was a social commentary, rife with angst and irony. A bit like Socialist TV.
Pfft. I can't type. I've done Maevis Beacon Teaches Typing, and I took a course during Middle School. I still have to look at the key board, and I peck at the keys.
But then again, I type better than I talk. Ever since I was young, I've had a severe stuttering problem. It's since been remedied, but it resurfaces when I'm anxious or nervous. The whole debacle did a number on my self-esteem too. At that age, I was nerd, and my parents didn't have much money, too. Thus began my sorrows, I suppose. I was teased constantly for my stuttering and bad wardrobe, and the scars are still there. Both the physical and the metaphysical.
Time went on. I've since gained a larger vocabulary, a nicer voice, and myparents are actually pretty comfortable now. (As far as money goes, anyway. There's still the matter of the upcoming divorce.)
In high school, I was teased for other things...
Like the entire rumour about my sexuality, and the expultions, and a few other things. My self esteem level was in the lower negatives and dropping.
Oh, well. Now, I'm homeschooled. I'm awaiting my freedom. And I've run out of things to write.
Talk to you guys later. (If anyone's listening.)
Scentless Aprentice · Sat Jan 08, 2005 @ 04:09pm · 1 Comments |
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..until I update. A lot of stuff has happened, but I just haven't had the time...
It's not like I have a fanbase of more than... nobody.
I need some tea.
Scentless Aprentice · Thu Dec 23, 2004 @ 03:51pm · 1 Comments |
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