"For nights now i have been having problems my depression has become my life and i have little money but with alll the worry of things is keeping me up at night.
Although i should be happy my life has become a nightmare in its self. I'm thinking that my depresion is the cause of my insomnia, and therefore i have become unwilling to think of what is the best thing that could happen. I havent told my friends or any1 because im afraid of what will be the answer to my problem or the outcome of what will happen. Both my and my rpc have a problem we both have insomnia, I think one reason is that i have my rpc almost have no sleep at all and that has transfered into my own life. Some nights i stay up saying go to sleep to myself and when i finaly go to sleep whenever i wake up i cant go back to sleep."
"Sometimes i think that everything is just going wrong. Unlike most people i think of what is the worst thing that could happen and it frightens me so. People ask me why am i so depresed and how come i dont tell them. At school i hide it with smiles and hide it from all my peers. About a month ago i was so depresed that i thought i hade no meaning and i only make things worst for every1. I thought every1 hated me so i should do the same. I thought that death was one thing that would make every1 happy and me feel like i had meaning. Although my sister got me half out of that mood with her knowledge of depresion and explinations of why i feel this way. I won't admit it but she is something i cannot and will not lose."
"I hate my brother. The things he did to my sister is unforgivable. When i first heard i wanted to kill him so badly that he would wish for death even in afterlife. My scorn and hatred is almost endless, it's like my life is without light or happyness. When i was younger i knew not of depresion or sadness and i was afraid of the dark and loved the light. Now i can't stand the light and i love it when its dark. It's like im a vampire in human form and i hate the light but i can survive in it. I think life is like formaldihide and all u need is an eraser to destroy it all. Sure i think that life would be meaningless without fear. Whoever said the only thing to fear is fear itself was wrong. Everyone has somthing to fear and every1 has something to hide inside, whether it's sadness, fear, or even the hatred of themselves they still have something to fear."
"Some people think that im emo and i think i am. All this touture given to me is meaningless and makes me wince in pain of the things i've done, will do, or what will i make. I have a broad memory of what ive done. Something that i did years ago still fill me with guilt and misfourtune. I act weird to hide what lies inside, and trust me it is a painful truth that would make the pope want to kill himself. I have so many things that are horrible that make my need death. I've seen so much for some1 so young. This is what i have to say. Do evrything right do nothing wrong or hurtful, help yourself first but don't forget that other people matter too. I'm very different than any1 and i have many things to hide, if u are reading this than you should know i'm not talking about my rpc i'm talking about myself."
 Moamin Sakutske Kashinaki · Sat Oct 06, 2007 @ 06:21pm · 0 Comments |
