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on my report card for third quarter i got 2 A's, 1 F, then the rest C's. the F i got in the current class i'm writing this in. i would've had an B+ but she was so sure i skipped 6 times (i skipped twice) so failed me cuz she's that dumb. thats all stare i hate her stare
 Fushigi Tamashii · Mon Apr 25, 2005 @ 04:12pm · 1 Comments |
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So, yeah, April 2nd sucked. had a breakdown and i dont remember anything except at some point i had thrown my engagement ring and paul had to look for it cuz i was saying "where's my ring?"
Thursday night i wanted to stay the night w/ paul at his cousins, which i did, but my dad got pissy. my mom had decided to take me and my bro, joseph, to the DMV to get our permits. i didnt know this. so my dad was telling me on the phone how i should go home so i can take the test tomorrow and stuff. well, i hadnt studied ever and so i was telling him how pointless it was cuz i wouldnt remember anything and end up failing anyway. he yelled at me "sorry for trying to help you!" and hung up. riight. so i stayed two nights at pauls cousins house (i was kinda scared of goin home). sat morning pauls aunt said we had to leave and paul and his lil bro trey had to go home alone. then pauls lil cousin said that she heard her mom saying something about the police calling last night. i thought it was probably my mom, but she didnt say anything about it when i got home.
i walked into the house that saturday and my mom just started yelling at me about how i'm such a screw up and how i'm not going to graduate (thats her opinion) and how i'm worthless cuz i dont do s**t (bs, i do more chores around the house than the other two do, especially when i am home) and especially cuz i dont have a job or permit cuz i'm a lazy b***h and blah blah blah... then she went on for 5 minutes (literally) about how her and my dad are considering kicking me out cuz i'm useless and then she stormed upstairs yelling back down to me that they're not supporting me at all anymore.
i was making easy mac for my breakfast the entire time.
not even 30mins later she comes out again all calm and stuff "i'm going to go car shopping, want to come?" i thought i should cuz if i said no she would blow up again, so i said yes and missed the entire day of being w/ paul and being outside instead of in a car. but i got to see my grandma, so it was worth it. she may not like me much anymore (cuz i'm moving to cali after graduation) but i still love her.
anyway, thats life. you get used to this crap after 18 years, but she's never said she was gonna kick me out (except 9th grade, where she said something along the lines of "if we werent in europe i'd kick you out" wink . yeah, whatever, i dont care. oh, she said if she didnt kick me out before i turned 18, she's definitely kicking me out at 18.
i hope none of you tell your parents cuz then they'll talk to my mom and then my mom and dad will b***h for the next week to month about it and totally deny everything so they look innocent and s**t. i hate them for that! my mom makes me look bad by denying half of the s**t she's done and said to me. whatever, i dont care. ... i have no motivation, yay! ciao
Fushigi Tamashii · Mon Apr 18, 2005 @ 03:07am · 0 Comments |
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it was Paulus255's (paul, my boyfriend IRL) birthday April 1st (no joke) and he is now 18! so i'm illegal til May 7th xp his birthday party was last night and it was ok. his mom made me leave at 12, i didnt want to go, but paul agreed with his mom, which pisses me off because there were a few other people there that stayed til 4:30am stare (if you read this paul, you are in twouble) anyway, blah
Fushigi Tamashii · Sun Apr 03, 2005 @ 08:16pm · 1 Comments |
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my dad is one of those dads whose just so awesome, if mom says youre grounded he'll talk her out of it... well, my dad started a fight last night for no reason... i was getting st. patty's clothes out to wear for today and he walks in and says i'm a failure and stupid and not going to graduate high school this year and etc. its supposedly my fault for losing a project the teacher lost, my fault for being overlooked during attendance, my fault for everything! thats how its always been, if something bad happens, its my fault, according to my whole family... such a dysfunctional family. i remember when i was gone for a week and during that week the computer broke down. when i got back they all said it was my fault ... I WASNT EVEN THERE. stare i cant wait to move to california ... away from THEM. my parents say such horrible things about me now, i dont do anything wrong! this has been the most stressful and horrible month ever ... they should be friggin grateful i still do THEIR chores around the house! i do the most housework, its ridiculous! what am i? friggin cinderella?! anyway, noone is probably reading this because the world friggin SUCKS. ... anyone who does care about me hasnt been acting like it at all ... and everyone should be friggin grateful i havent OD'd or cut or something ... (for anyone whos reading and bothers to post: dont sit there and tell me not to cuz it hurts or something, i know already, i've been diagnosed with anxiety depression and have was suicidal from 2nd grade until 9th grade, then i just cut for relief ... now i'm better-ish)
anyway, i dont know why i bother waking up in the morning anymore, i hate showing to school, even for paul. i just wanna sleep forever ... ciao
Fushigi Tamashii · Thu Mar 17, 2005 @ 01:47pm · 1 Comments |
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Information Systems & the Weekend |
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Paul's younger brother had the nerve to pick a fight with me (he's only 11). the fight was verbal, but he did hit me. of course, being the bigger and more mature person, i didnt hit him back. i did make him cry though. Paul almost beat the s**t out of his brother. i've hated this month so far, so full of stress and negative everything!! Mrs. Whitaker (my info sys and finance teacher) gave me an F ... whatever, oh well, i dont care. BUT she lost my 100 point project!! she gave me a friggin 0 for it and friggin LOST it!!! she is so sure i didnt turn it in, the b***h... pardon my french. i'm just so angry at her. she's always screwing me over in her classes. its like she wants me to fail or something. grrrrr..... i tried switching out at the begining of the year, but my stupid counselor (who's the worst cousnelor ever) said that i wasnt allowed to, which was total bull. other kids were still switching around. he also said there wasnt a 'free period' in which seniors can have a period off. there is, i know quite a few people who have it, and he wouldnt let me have it. GRAH. i'm so pissed at everything, i hate this month so much (even tho St. Patricks Day is my favorite holiday). Paul is the only reason i'm here, but he's been pissing me off the most ... well, not the most. whatever, i dont know why i bother keeping this journal up, noone reads it or leaves comments... its just a good place to vent. bye
((just happened: she wouldnt let me go to the bathroom because i supposedly am behind in class ... i am not, i'm bored in this class cuz i know how to do everything already!! grrr))
Fushigi Tamashii · Mon Mar 14, 2005 @ 04:09pm · 0 Comments |
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three F's ... one class i had an A, my teacher showed me before she turned in grades, i had an A ... stare this week has just been ooberly stressful and i've been a b***h so far today. mother dearest has decided that i'm not going to cali during the break ... as if. i'll go anyway, i have the money. anywhoo, la de da, life's a b***h.
Fushigi Tamashii · Sat Mar 12, 2005 @ 08:48pm · 0 Comments |
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I'm tired, reading CUT for psychology (we were allowed to pick our own book ,but it had to be psychology related), failing finance (damn mrs whitaker), stressing over life and then mr bromley (theatre teacher) decides i have to stay after school once a week to take attendance and keep on book while everyone else acts ... as if. and i have to do it twice this week cuz someone cant stay after at all! life is stressing me out, prob cuz i graduate this june, yay! i most likely am goin to san something or other this spring break with paul, my fiance (sounds crazy, i know), to go house hunting ^_^. ok, bye. (not too motivated right now) ciao
Fushigi Tamashii · Tue Mar 08, 2005 @ 04:48am · 0 Comments |
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To Be or Not To Be? That's My Decision |
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I hope i spelled that right ... i have a lovely 10k yellow gold ring with 4 emeralds set in it and a diamond in the middle, its beautiful. i got it from Paul, my boyfriend (IRL thank you). it was supposed to be a promise ring, but he seemed bummed about it. i asked if he was ok, he shrugged his shoulders with an "eh." so i asked if he wanted it to be an engagement ... his face brightened and he nodded with a "yes!" so ... i'm engaged! we're to move to california after we graduate (and he comes back from a week in japan with his arrogant cousin). i'm so excited, unlike my parents. i've been feeling like s**t lately, dont know why, everything is going pretty good. i think its because northern virginia sucks all a** and i just want to friggin LEAVE. .... yay for depression! hah, sarcasm. and dont think i'm one of those people who says their depressed just for attention or is a big baby, i am diagnosed with it, so dont judge me. .. whatever. i had to go on a bogus field trip into capital hill in DC ... so cold and boring. well, we (friends and paul) just sat in a cafeteria for a few hours then went to the library of congress. hah. anyway, hopefully i'll make enough gold on gaia to turn my avi into a rikku (my sig will explain ... when my bro, black beret on gaia joe IRL, finishes). ok, done boring the world, ciao.
Fushigi Tamashii · Thu Mar 03, 2005 @ 02:32am · 0 Comments |
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Graduation and May ... CANT WAIT |
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so, i turn 18 this May 7!!! Hide and Seek is a freaky movie, go see it! i have no comments, so i'm not loved. *sob* my IRL bf, paul, is somewhere skiing with his family and has left me here ... *sob* so i listen to the rocky horror picture show music done over by punk rock bands, hah. as well as alice cooper, metallica, l7, mae, motley crue, and other great oldies and metal bands. ROCK ON! rock n roll all night and party all day long!! anyway, when i graduate i'm supposedly moving with paul to california, but he and his arogant cousin are supposed to go to japan this summer ... i have no clue whats going to happen! anyway, i'm afraid to post my poetry for fear someone would STEAL my words!! yeah ... "our lips are sealed" hehe. good song, by the go-gos. ok, i'm done being random. bye
Fushigi Tamashii · Mon Jan 31, 2005 @ 10:02pm · 0 Comments |
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