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Look at me now, all red. But it wasn't always like this; some days ago, my skin was like that of a baby boy's arrrse, after being too much time out on the open sun, but now... it's redder than a red mermaid meeting down in the red sea. How sad is that... for the sea serpent! When she swallowed me, I took out her guts with my bare teeth, but that didn't stop her from cursing me and painting me all red in her explosion. I'm beginning to smell of dead fish, and when a pirate realises he smells of dead fish, that is a bad sign.

I'll be red for quite some time so that's why I must ask you, yarrr, my fellow gaian comrades! Don't judge other people by their colour, it's just rude, and a pirate is a good example to follow about how not to be rude. That's why I'm including a pirate's example of what's rude or not:

Judging someone by their colour - rude
Peeking a damsel in distress's panties - not rude
Stealing a treasure - rude
Borrowing a treasure without asking for the owner's permission - not rudeEating with your hands - rude: you eat with your mouth
Stealing a damsel in distress's clothes - not rude (except if you steal borrow her underwear, that's rude)
French-kissing a damsel is distress - rude (although they usually don't mind at all. Be especially careful to brush your teeth before and afterwards, damsels in distress have terribly bad breath, although you can leave your armpits showing, yarrr, it's the pirate's special scent they're after, msot of the time ) wink


This is just a small part of the pirate's to do's and not to do's I, like a long list of pirates throughout the world, have learned back at pirate school, yarrr, be wise, follow them literally. pirate