man, I can't believe it's been a year or so and I'm still talking about this person via voice to text. Good thing gaia's a void so I can just yell into it or in this case, sob into it lol
Anyways, I find it interesting that I tried to cut you out of my life and I'm still in love with you I miss you I just want my best friend back but that's never going to happen no matter how much you say that you still give a s*** about me, if you actually gave a s*** about me you would see how I was doing and not just hit me up whenever the person that you're taking care of is not in town. I also find it ironic that when I'm at my most broken apart, can't bring the emotions under the lid of the pot that boils, you who has always wanted to take care of the broken people and has taken care of the broken people in your life is nowhere to be found. Even when I do all the things to contact you when I just need someone to hold my hand or even just to sit with and hear me Panic my way through whatever the f*** that was. And you say that you're there for me? That you care for me? But you can't even see that I called and asked me if I'm okay? I think I'm the only one who still cares and that truly truly makes me feel worthless replaceable. I know I'm not the most interesting person, and I function better than most people who are depressed or broken or suffering from anxiety, but that doesn't mean that I don't want my former best friend I first love, the person I can't replace or forget no matter how hard I try , to ask if I'm okay. I really wanted to see what you got me for Christmas last year but, I couldn't hold out any longer. That what I had the worst day of my life and a very very long time and it had nothing to do with you a couple of weeks ago and I called you but your voicemail was full because it always is and I didn't text you cuz I was in traffic but you never come texted, or call me back to see if I was okay. Even though the last time we talked we agreed that the only time I should call you because you don't like talking on the phone of course, is when I really need you or if I'm drunk and forget. I don't forget the important things oh, I wish I would, I really wish I would but it's all still there. That's what what time you told me I was a mistake because you decided to f****** while you were still in a relationship with your girlfriend, you felt guilty about it but I didn't. What is it easier to make me think that I was a mistake because I didn't feel guilty? And then you tried to make me stay by telling me that you were in love with me but you were just trying to find something so funny selling for and I wasn't it. Even though I was there for you at Your Darkest I'm I gave you everything everything of you told me you love me forever you know me you gave me the world and then threw me in the trash I left me there I don't think I've ever got back out I had I've never stopped feeling what my heart is ripping into and everything is just broken and empty on the inside I'm worthless and useless. Of Justice we have anything. What's the point of trying? What's the point of trying to make relationships going are you at the trash and leave you there ?
All right, now that I've cried that out a little bit and made a completely insensible post via voice to text, I'll come back next year and hopefully I'll be better.
Eldritch Elder Community Member 
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