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They deftly manoeuver and muscle for rank, |
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Fuel burning fast on an empty tank.
Lately I've been having gasoline dreams with nitrous chasers. My head is filled with a whirring of pistons and the roar of exhaust travelling through mandrel bends. My fingers spasm and clutch at nonexistant gear shifts, and my right foot searches for a gas pedal that is not there.
Of course, this is all my own damn fault. Having spent the better part of a week working my way through Forza motorsports for Xbox, I'm just making this worse with each passing lap, and each suspension tweak. Forza 2 is coming out at the end of this month, and what went from a mild interest in picking it up has turned to a consuming, fiery passion to own and master this game. The sheer depth of the physics calculations are mind boggling. The graphics are almost orgasmic.
I'm considering an entirely frivilous purchase of a racing wheel and pedals for my 360. A chair sits on the floor of my living room. It has speakers built into the back. I'm pondering if I can setup the rear channel output to play out of this chair. This makes engine sounds extremely pleasing. Plus, the rumble from the built-in subwoofer adds an entirely wonderful bodyshake when doing explodey things, like driving a car into a support post at 90 mph. I want to turn it into an integral part of a racing cockpit. My wallet is begging for mercy, as it's already pretty much empty.
Why do I not turn this desire to hurl metal at high velocities to my actual car? Well, err.. I already do. Did. Will do again. There seems to be some sort of trigger mechanism on all my cars. As soon as I start shopping for upgrades and replacement parts, my car decides to break something. Well, in this specific case, let me know that something is wrong. Through a long and rather stupid process of getting an oil leak, and getting it traced, and then examined, I was informed as to where my car zigged instead of zagged. Apparently, I need two new header gaskets. Which, while a somewhat minor part, requires much work and effort to replace. $1400 dollars, to be exact.
Thank my agnostic gods for extended warranties. Now I'm waiting for an adjusted estimate to see exactly how much of this gratuitous cost will be covered, and how much will be raped from my already damaged and crying wallet. After all is said and done, I may even have the cash left over for that new exhuast and intake system I've been eyeing like a sailor in port. Oh ho, the mad dreams of mild horsepower boosts. Is it so wrong to want my car to eventually hit 250hp? Does the universe have something against my lustful desire to go fast? Must every goddamn volkswagen golf I idle next to at a stoplight rev its engine at me? Well, scratch that last one. I like burning volkswagens off the line. Same with subarus. Especially old men in cardigans, as they are interesting opponents, full of wiles and trickery.
On that note, I must continue to detest most teenage boys in Hondas. Yes, I drive a mustang. Yes, I occasionally leave stoplights quickly. This does not mean that I am always looking for a race. This also means that because I didn't clutch drop and spin my tires off the line, I AM NOT RACING YOU. Therefore, there is really no need to flash your lights at me, or, like one complete jackass, slow down until I am next to you, then give me the finger and high-five your dipshit friend in the passenger seat.
This is why I prefer racing with my friends at work. Sure, the mazda 626 doesn't represent much of a challenge, but the coworker driving it if full of insanity and a blatant disregard for building security and their ford explorer. I'm still waiting for a shot at the 96 mustang, though...
Damnit, Gaia needs an automotive forum. Of course, I forsee many threads of the "My engan is on fiar! Halp!" or "How do i change my headlight fluid?" or "My Honda is so much faster than your Buggatti Veyron." or "So, this gigantic muffler tip adds 50hp, right?"
Reckless and wild, they pour through the turns,
Their prowess is potent and secretly stern.
 Twistex · Sun May 06, 2007 @ 07:14am · 3 Comments |
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