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Heya Tom, it’s Bob from the office down the hall.. |
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"Good to see you buddy, how’ve you been?
Thing have been OK for me except that I’m a zombie now;
I really wish you’d let us in..."
To play off my quoted lyrics, I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD! No, not really. My jorunal is, perhaps. After some callous nagging to stop in, let everyone know that I'm not dead, and give updates on the carblog.. I've decided to do exactly what the nagger told me to.
Why? Well, because for the first time in months and months and months, there's been progress. That, and the fact that life (as it is wont to do) has finally stopped being a complete and utter pain in my butt. Also, apprently, some people want to hear about. You sad, sad people.
So, when we last heard from the Duster, it was quietly rotting in a driveway. Tools in hand, I proudly cracked it open, and saw a bit of a mess. I did more research, and found out that it's basically been neglected for years. No battery, unsure of the last time it ran, rusted quarters, etc.
Being full of everlasting hope and complete optimism, I grabbed a wrench and... wait, no.. That's not me. No, being full of bile and bottomless pessimism, I grabbed a hammer and proceeded to work on the car.
First things first, I wanted to see how deep of a hole I had just liberally thrown my stupid a** into. I learned the vital stats, got some good info, and started planning on what to do.
So, vital stats on the duster.. (I'll do my best to explain to those not "in" with car "lingo".)
Engine - Well, it's a 225 cubic inch "Slant" six. That means it's 6 inline pistons. Each roughly the size and shape of a beer can. Except made of iron. You could kill a donkey with them. Possibly by choking. Bone stock, this arthritic heart develops around 140 Horsepower. Not all that impressive. However, Slant sixes have an ace up their sleeve. TORQUE. Great big fat gooey globs of torque. 180ft-lbs of torque to be more precise, all rushing in at around 2000 rpm. What? Not big and fat enough for you? The engine is 35 years old, damnit. Work with me here!
Oh, and a three speed auto on the column. Single-barrel carb. 1.8" exhaust.. That is, if it had anything past the headers. It's just header, rusty pipe.. nothing. Crazily enough, everything else seems to be in good shape, other than being covered with an inch of grease, oil and dirt. Underneath the assorted filth of years the head cover is actually a pale blue.
Suspension - Really basic here. No power steering. He-Man manual all the way. Torsion-bar suspension. Rear leaf springs. And, joy of joys! Sponge-soft drum brakes all around. Got to love drum brakes, because it's all sponge, sponge, sponge "Oh hai, I'm not stopping." push harder, more of the same, smash the pedal into the floor.. and promptly lock your tires and careen into a ditch. My first car had all drum brakes, so I'm used to this fantastic blend of not stopping followed by a healthy mix of death. Add cobblestone roads and you've got sideways death. It's a veritable tasty cocktail of "I'm going to hit you, or that tree. I haven't quite decided yet."
Interior - Well, as you saw last update, it has big, shredded bench seats with springs that poke you in places you'd rather not have a spring poke you. Unless you enjoy that sort of thing, in which case, you'd *love* my seats. It has a kenwood CD player. With no face. So, it has a kenwood lump of plastic and wires that serves me no good goddamned purpose. Which is also exacerbated by the fact that it has no speakers, either. So, even if I could pop in a disc, it'd sound eerily like silence. The dashpad looks like it tried to mate with a lawn mower. So do the seats. The carpet is nasty yellow. Hell, the whole interior is nasty yellow.
Exterior - Fantastic 70's styling aside, you've seen the pictures of the speed holes. The trunk is cavernous. I s**t you not, it echoes when you talk into it. The hood is mismatched and warped. It has no passenger side mirror, but luckily for me, there are holes where there *used* to be one. Joy.
So, at the bottom of this hole I think to myself.. "Well, this is a deep hole." Better start digging up, stupid.
Well, it needed a battery. So, off to checker I strolled, and came back with a battery. Dropped that into a battery tray that was made more of air and hope than of actual metal. Hooked up the wires, and turned the key in the ignition. Yegods, it actually turned over, it didn't start, but it cranks. This filth-encrusted iron lump of an engine actually freaking moved. Spray a little "Starting fluid" (Basically, sweet, tasty ethanol in a can) into the carb, and try again. Crank, crank, crank, sputter. Again! Crank, crank, crank, sputter, cough, bang, sputter crank, sputter VROOOOOOOM. Sputter. Jeesum crow, it started. I actually got it to start, run, and idle for 5 minutes. I almost peed. It sounds like an angry pig with a migraine.
Check the elctricals afterwards, dome light works, headlights work.. yegods, even the turn signal works. Horn works. Whoops, sorry people under the hood. *snicker* Hell, the cigarette lighter works. This franken-car will live!
So, I started trying to clean up some of the rust, and primer the damn thing before it rusted out from under me during the oncoming winter. Life, however, had plans of its own. Plans that involved screwing me. Quite upsettingly badly.
Around September of 08', I lost my job (I'd give more details, but it's a long, stupid story. Cheap and easy like your mother version - New management wanted me to force customers to pay for s**t they didn't need. I thought this amounted to little more than robbery. They chose to ignore my +90% problem resolve rate, my +90% customer satisfaction rate, and politely "lay me off" because I wasn't bilking enough people out of money. They even told me when they let me go "You're a brilliant technician, you just aren't a good salesman. Yes, I know.. that's why I applied to this TECH SUPPORT JOB YOU IDIOTIC TWATS. Ahem, excuse me.) This, to me, marks a wonderful turning point. I lost my job, and the economy promptly takes a nosedive shortly therafter. A month after I lose my job, there's backroom whisperings of impending economic doom. I'm only beginning to wonder why Craigslist is so devoid of opportunities. Why Monster.com is trying to get me to be a sewer inspector.
You all should pretty much be able to guess what happened from here. I went broke, couldn't get a job, watched a hell of a lot of people I know lose their jobs, watched the job market evaporate, went on a few interviews, cheered over the new administration, went into debt, still couldn't find a job, etc. Finally, in January, I got lucky, and got a new job. Joy of joys, income! So, now we're working 9-5, getting paid occasionally, and trying to climb my way out of debt.
Does this mean the car is done? Uhh.. no. Because I'm still stupid, and I like turning wrenches. They're shiny.
Up here, over a mile in the air, winter is finally slumping off to let spring and warmer temperatures come in. Which means, happily, that I can get back to work on my cars.
Oh yes, plural. No, the mustang isn't broken. Yes, I still have the duster. Yes, there's another car. No, i'm not going to tell you what it is.
Yet.
(Yes, I know.. one of you, maybe a few more already know what it is. Shush. It's called dramatic tension.)
So, why update now? Because I made some progress this weekend. I finally got some nice weather, and a chance to turn a few wrenches on the car. I'd picked up some new sparkplugs for the Duster way back when, and they sat in the trunk until last weekend. On sunday, I got a chance to pop 5 of them in (The sixth was missing the bolt cap, I was pissed). I tend to hope for the best, but always expect the worst to actually happen. Doesn't mean I prepare for the worst, I just expect to get screwed in one way or another pretty much all the time. Life has taught me that this is a correct assumption.
Changing sparkplugs should be an easy affair. Take off wire, unscrew plug, grease up new plug, insert, plug wires back in, done. Except.. no. 4 were pretty easy, the fifth was a pain, the sixth was behind the damn alternator and took me 20 minutes to wiggle out, ripping my hand to shreds in the process. Only to discover my broken new plug, so.. I just had to put the least-destroyed 20 year old plug back in. Hopped into the car, turned the key... Nothing. Turned it back, then tried again, little bit of gas... onyl to be greeted by "ticktickticktick" of a starter spinning away with almost no juice.
So, I'm going through a checklist in my head. "new starter.. hmm 80-120$, new alternator.. maybe 150, probably more? New ignition.. crapcrapcrap.." Then, I realized I had done something stupid. I had left the battery hooked up since LAST SUMMER. It was damn lucky it even had enough of a charge to turn the starter once! So, laughing at my idiocy, I grab the jumper cables, and hook it up to the mustang. Wait a few minutes, then hop back in. Little bit of gas, turn the key, INSTANT VROOM! I was so shocked I yanked my hand away from the ignition and pulled my foot off the gas.. and it promptly died. "Hah, they was funny. Must have been a fluke." Turned the key again, and once more, it instantly started right up. I had hoped my starting issues would be fixed by a simple spark plug change, but I had never actually expected it to work!
So, now it starts like a champ, but the idle is still rough, and it sputters a fair bit. Most of that is due to the fact that the gas tank is basically empty. I only dropped a gallon in, last summer when I was trying to get it started. An oil change and putting it back in tune, and it'll run strong. I may have to tweak some carb settings, but I won't bother with that overmutch. No need to dial it in perfectly. Why? Because the carb is only going to be there long enough to get the exhaust pipe on, and the title filled. However, I'll go into that more with the next update. Yes, there will be a next update...
Eventually. Muwahahahaah.
Ok, fine.. I'll try and do it within a few weeks, because I plan on getting in as much weekend work as possible.
Coming next update - Items in the mail, Oilchanges (And why there's more oil on my engine than IN IT), and an awesome surprise. (mostly, it was awesome for me. If it's really that awesome for you, you need to stop being so vicarious.)
"I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand
Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demands,
But here’s an FYI: you’re all gonna die screaming"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OARmqz48Mh0
 Twistex · Mon Mar 16, 2009 @ 08:13pm · 6 Comments |
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