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[Rant.]

What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do? (Oh, oh)
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you

What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I'm not running from you (from you)

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.

Ah, ah
Oh, oh
Ah, ah

Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you.
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you

Come break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)
Break me down (bury me, bury me)

(You say you wanted more)
What if I wanted to break...?
(What are you waiting for?)
Bury me, bury me
(I'm not running from you)
What if I
What if I
What if I
What if I
Bury me, bury me

I am really starting to hate people.
Things are looking up for me, but I can't stop being left over with guilt.

Let's start with internet, here. I said I was cutting it off after easter. It's after easter. Is it off? No. I was about to call in and then my roommate begged me to not do it. So I didn't. But she never pays her bills on time. And it's not like that really matters since the internet comes straight from my debit card and I tell her to just give me cash whenever, but still. She owes me a whole 13 bucks. How hard is that really to get? She gets 200 dollars a month for food. Jesus.

Then there's me being poor. Well, I basically went around and complained about being poor. All I did was rant ONCE(here), and I wasn't even asking for handouts, nor did I expect to get any. But low and behold, a couple of people PMed me and were like "Yo what's your paypal/address" and stuff in mercy.

I guess this is partly my fault since I was so concentrated with ranting about how good you guy have it and take it for granted, that I didn't realise what I was telling people about myself. And I could've just kept refusing donations, or not given out my paypal, but hell... It's on my profile page, now. I was pretty much asking for it.

So these people start sending me things, and I start feeling guilty.
And I tell my friend about how I'm feeling guilty about all this, and he says.. "You should be happy. People are helping you so you don't have ot do so much work. Guilt is worthless. Now you can take responsibility for your actions, but guilt in itself is just a waste of time."

But even still, I've always been a guilt-ridden person, and although I've tried to stop, it's not like there's any tips on feeling less guilty. I tried being completely apathetic, and you know... That just made me an a*****e.
I mean, it's certainly better than it used to be. I used to empathize a LOT more with other people, to the point where I'd sit around and just wonder how so-and-so was dealing with their problems like some overprotective parent.

Then there's my whole motivation thing. I'm getting paid to do these scripts, and I'm just sucking. It's just uncanny how much I'm just sucking at it. I don't do anything until the last minute, and what I do do is just retarded. My pay got docked because my friend/employer had to basically rewrite it.

And I'm getting really tired of people assuming I'm in animation. I went to DVD Authoring today, and we were doing introductions. And a lot of people's assumptions of me is I'm in animation and not video. But no, this time, the teacher, Daneal, "Oh, I always thought you were in animation" right in front of the WHOLE CLASS. Now, I'm blowing this out of porportion, because it's not embarrassing or anything...

But DVD Authoring isn't even a class you CAN take if you're in animation. Like WTF AM I DOING that makes me an animation student?
Is it the tail? Because I honestly have no ******** idea how a tail relates to animation.

We've got people with tattooes that look like handwriting with a sharpie, hugeass mohawks and pot smoking addicts and flamboyantly gay people, I don't see anyone mistaking them for any other major. Especially the flamboyantly gay guys. I would've thought people would be assuming they were in fashion. But no.

I am just really. augh. It's dumb.

Then there's people in general. Today, I overheard Amber and Claire(resident fashion major failures) talking to some girl. And I was all happy for them because it seemed like they were int he process of making a new friend.
But they RUINED IT. Amber goes, "Oh I'm a vampire, and claire's a neko neko."
ARE WE TEN? Come ON. Then the girl mentions something about how it's good they're joking. And I'm all like "Oh good, they have a chance to save themselves." But oh no. Amber says "What makes you think I'm lying?"

OH PLEASE.
For some insight, Amber and Clair have no jobs, don't take a shower for at least a month(I'venever smelt anything from them, but the amount of grease they emit from their hair alone is just nasty), they have no personality and frequently just copy people they think are cool(I have a ton of stories from my roommate, who mistakenly befriended them) and they fail all their classes.
Clair got told up front she's not fit to be a fashion major, and got dropped from the school. Amber doesn't have any classes this quarter because of some financial aid problem thing. Yet they still go to school everyday somehow.

AURGH.

Which just leads me to my next thing- people in general.
They never DO ANYTHING.

Especially my roommate. Now I'm not saying I'm perfect, and I don't know why I decided to harp specifically on my roommate ever since break, since she's the best roommate I've ever had, ever, and I'm friends with her and she's cool enough and s**t.

But yeah. Remember the whole flash final project thing?
Okay, well, She has a lot of stories of her teachers ******** her over. All through elementary through highschool, and now she's bitching about it in college. Now, I'll give her credit - there's ONE story I believe, about her teacher stealing/"misplacing" a final project in high school. But otherwise, I'm sorry, there's just no way every teacher you've ever had has screwe d you over.

Plus, she's getting more needy. For example, she wants a better video editing program than Windows Movie Maker. I recommend her some programs, and she complains she has to "register" to download them. I say just put in fake s**t and a real email - which is what I do. She says she doesn't want to.

And this isn't the first time it's happened, she did it with Adobe Flash and Illustrator as well, when I told her to download the trials since she only needed them to finish her final.

She has to register, so she's like "ohnoez can't get it." and then briefly looks for downloads where you don't have to register and then just GIVES UP.

For the Adobe site, I offered her my registration info, my username/password and she said "No, that's too hard." BULLSHIT. YOU'RE JUST LAZY.

She failed a lot of her classes last quarter, and she says it's because the teachers or the students she was working with were dumb or something.
Maybe so, MAYBE. But that doesn't mean you get to sit around and blame them. MAKE IT BETTER.

I don't know if you guys know this, but there's thing called the world. And how it works. Yeah. s**t HAPPENS. YOU FIX IT.

Whenever my roommate has some sort of problem or "can't figure out something" she asked me as if I have an answer. I used to help her, but now I just keep insisting I don't know.
Why? Because if she can't take the five seconds to ******** GOOGLE IT, then I just don't feel like I have five seconds to help her.

And then there's her clothes. All her pants have holes in them, and she keeps complaining about how she needs to dew the holes. So she tries to pay other people to sew them for her. And I said "Don't you have a sewing kit?" and she says yeah, but she can't sew. I say something like, "So learn."

She never does. I come back from break and learn that she had her parents buy her iron-on patches. WTF.
Then when I mention learning how to sew again, she says "Oh, I know how to sew, I just can't thread it right" or something.
And I say, "I'm sure there's a ton of resources on the internet for you to figure it out." And she sighs "Yeah..."

And then DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.

I find it AMAZING that her parents, who HAVE NO INCOME, would buy iron-on patches WITH A BRAND NEW IRON that could have been fixed with a needle and some $2 string. Seriously.

I am tired of kids not doing s**t on their own. Back to the guilt issue, my friend says "Why are you so obsessed with doing everything yourself? You should be happy these people are giving you things."

"When I was growing up, my parents gave me everything. Doing things by myself is all I have left to prove I can live on my own."