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This was pointed toward the members of a guild I was in, who, prior to this, were acting very juvenile about issues:


I do not want to portray myself as emo.
I do not like to portray myself as emo.
I would not like people to think of me as even remotely emo.

But, I do have a certain rant. And I would like you to read it, if you can, in the context that this is only me letting off steam... And not crying in a little corner and sobbing... I'm actually looking at this as a sort of objective expierence.

But for those of you who are going to say "wall of text!"... Which this will inevitably be... Just take a look at the thread's subject, because that's inevitably what it boils down to.

I'm not looking for sympathy in this. I am just letting you know why I am becoming less and less active, and eventually, I will disappear. So I'm giving you a warning, venting, and providing some insight for you about my life all in one nice wall of text. A wall of text that, unlike the last rant I did, will not be deleted four hours later.




My parents and I have a long... Bad... History. And my lifestory condensed into a small line, wouldn't allow me to choose the college I wanted to go to. My parents are just trying to look out for me, but they are holding me back. I understand their position, but at the same time, I have to slap them in their faces.

The college I am going to now is... Not that great. And the deal was that my parents would pay for housing and education, but I had to pay for everything else. Like food, internet, etc. And by second quarter, I would have to have a job, and help pay education and housing.

See the thing is that, my parents make too much money to qualify me for any type of financial aid AT ALL, but too little money for me to finish school.
They are pulling extra shifts right now to help pay for me.

So, as my little ******** to their entire history of bad parenting(I'm sure half of you wouldn't even believe the stories I have to tell) and to the whole not letting me choose my own school thing, I decided to just mooch off them.

I'd show them. Right? No.

Guilt set in. And I started telling them why they failed at parenting. I told them that I'd have more motivation to get a job if I actually had to pay for something, like - gasp! - my own apartment(school housing is beyond suck and they decided to renew the lease instead of let me pay for my own apartment out of my own pocket because they were afraid I'd go broke icon_rolleyes.gif).

After complaining for months about this, they finally decided to grow some balls and take my own advice. How shitty it is that I have to tell my parents how to parent myself aside, now I have to pay rent.

At this moment in time I have $2000 in my bank account. 2k is my life savings.
Now, some of you may be thinking "Q, you said you had 2k in your bank account MONTHS a go". This is true. Because I was able to get odd-jobs and little gigs to make up for the little I was paying.

I pay $50 a month in food right now. Many of you probably don't know how little that is. An average person pays $200 a month for food. When I say I live off $50/mo, people gasp in awe and ask me how.
Many times, I go over budget. So, I keep tabs of when 30 days is up. And until I have calculated that I can spend money again, I ration my food and I don't spend any money.

When I first came back to this guild, I was eating one meal every two or three days. That one meal was ramen.
That should give you some insight.

Now, maybe you understand why I was so pissed over a few slices of pizza when my roommate stole my food. I hit her, for 4 slices of pizza. Why? Because those four slices of pizza were supposed to last seven days.
Most of you probably have no idea what it feels like to open your wallet and have nothing in it, and have that realization hit and say "I can't eat today."

You have parents paying for you and friends who will buy you s**t. Which, I have as well, but to a lesser extent. Last quarter, if I got anything other than a bowl of ramen every two days it was like christmas. SO you can understand why, when I came back to this guild and you were all arguing about STUPID s**t, I got annoyed.

But that's the past.

So 2k. For the past month my parents and I have been in a heated discussion/argument about jobs. It has basically come down to that I have ridden their a** for too long and now I have to pay half my rent for a place I hate living in. Half the rent is $150.
This is fine. I understand this.

But for the past six months I have told them that if I have a car, I get guaranteed jobs. I have a link. He says he has jobs for me. He has given jobs to me. He goes through great expense to offer me jobs, since i Have no transportation. I cannot take the bus because the jobs are in another city. I cannot take a taxi because I would be paying more money than I am earning.

If my parents say not to do something, I don't do it. ANd what it came down to was they were afraid of me going broke, afraid of me starving, and so they said that a car would be too much of a responsibility, too much money, and insurance, even minimum coverage, would put me in debt.

My parents also said honors science was too much work, and so denied me the priveledge of a gifted class. Look at me now. Not the marine biologist or zoological photographer who once wanted to be with stellar reading comprehension and prize-winning journals. I am now quite-literally on the borderline of retarded, if you'd like an IQ score.

Today, the person that has guaranteed me jobs if I get a car finally fleshed out what I would get. I would recieve guaranteed $250 a week for my editing. This guy is my friend, and he is truly going out on a limb to teach me how to edit professionally. With $250 a week($100/day fee, just so you know) I can pay my rent and afford to eat on my still slim budget with just a tad bit more money to spare.

So if I work off this, and keep pulling in my odd gigs, I can just skirt past with insurance payments and gas.

He and I were budgeting and, he feels, it would be good to have a six month cushion before I buy the car. What this means is that if I have no income for 6 months, I have enough money in my savings to cover it. Without rent, I can make the 6 month cushion. Because I am now paying rent, I only have a 4 month cushion.

I'm looking for any shitty clunker car that will actually drive that I can get for 700 - 800 usd right now. I have topped out my spending allotment for the car plus the cost of covering it(down payment) to $1200. If it goes over this, I am not buying it.

I have told my mother this plan and she still says no because she is worried about me going broke, still. But, if I can provide for myself, at least that's something. I'll be damned if I am forced to pay for this education I didn't want.

Right now I am working for chacha.com independently. This job pays less than $1 and hour. I am also going to write two screenplays, at $250 each. If I can pull in another odd gig, maybe a sold textbook, or some ebay thing, or just a random web design s**t thing, I can probably make this work out and pull another month in my cushion.

I don't understand why I can't get a regular job. If I could get a regular job that I didn't need a car for, I wouldn't be in this argument or debacle, and I'd be slowly paying through things without the editing work.

But it seems no one hired gringos, here. I have prior expierence. I walk in to get the jobs. I follow-up. In person. I wear nice clothes. I brush my hair and I take showers before I meet them. I suck up and humiliate myself. I don't wear my tail or collar.

But no, they don't look at the applications, or are not hiring, when clearly they hired some noob with no expierence down the street that just happens to be black. Or the asian chick. Or the spanish dude.

This aside... I have lucked out on a lot of things, and in a way, I believe I am still very lucky. I am going to try to do these odd jobs and pull enough money just from these jobs alone to get and insure this car.
Then, when I have everything settled, I am cutting off the internet to eradicate any extra expenses. Internet is $35 a month.
Internet, unless something miraculous happens, is not something I'm going to have in two months(with or without the car).

So, I'll see you all, or maybe talk to you on the phone, and as I leave this site I've been on for 3 years, I hope this gives you some ******** perspective on what you guys would call a "sucky" life.

I'd just like to say... I am happy, even though my pants keep falling off. And I am glad I am doing this whole videography thing. But it really ticks me off when you're upset about who's crushing on who, when other people(not just me) have it worse and can still lift their head high.

If you've got the time and money, watch K-Pax. That's a real eye-opener.