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(Just a little something from my real life, paperback journal. I usually write these late at night, hence the gramatical errors and low effective intelligence. These are my opinions. Please, don't feel offended.)
OK, is it just me, or does everyone seem more moronic around Spring Break? I mean, everyone goes out to some party or s**t like that, gets drunk, then does some sort of ******** moronic activity like wet t-shirt crap and sexual "experimentation." If you want to experiment with sexuality, then let me put on some latex gloves so I won't have to get bloody while I rip out your sexual organs with meat tenderizers, spread ground up rock salt on the wound, then close it up with the salt inside, so as to leave a ******** reminder about exactly why ******** around isn't so damn "cool." And don't give me any of that "You're so mean and nasty I'm going to cry now" bullshit, either. It's the fault of the ******** moronic (I like 'moronic') ********, who go around ******** everybody they meet. You want "nasty"? Then, go screw some guy or girl at one of those party things. Then you can catch some sort of STD or some s**t like that and have your genetiles fall off on their own. It saves me the trouble of having to do it manually and waste valuable gloves. It's people like that who just need to die some horrible and extremely painful death, preferably with a meat grinder, and rid the world of their parasitic ways.
Speaking of parasites, WHAT the HELL is with this whole "Atkins Approved" menu s**t that keeps popping up?! WHERE THE HELL ARE MY CARBS!!! I want my TWINKIES! Jeez. And then you get those people who swear by the diet. "Well, carbs are evil. They get in the way of your body's process of burning fat." Bullshit! All I eat are carbs! I'm 5 foot 10 inches and I weigh 135 pounds. That's right! In your face, you fat Atkins bastards! Really, who in their right mind would listen to a dietitian who died from clogged arteries?! I don't need your "Atkins Approved" crap cluttering my restaurant menus! Let me eat my pasta in peace!
What is with these Atkins cookies? "No Carbs!" So what! That bucket of deep-fried sausage grease you're eating doesn't have any carbs, either, Bertha. Here's the logic behind your "diet." 1) I don't care if you want to be on the diet. Just don't force your menus upon me! CARB IS KING! ARGH! 2) Ok, ok, so here's the real deal. How does eating loads of fatty foods make you healthier? Have you taken a look at your ******** arteries, wide body?! I think bacon fat has completely replaced your blood plasma. How else can you possibly be any more of an imbecile! Yea, that's right. You heard me. I know what you're going to say next. "What about your beloved french fries and twinkies, eh?" Well, what about your salads? That's right, those leafy greens some of you Atkins pigs love to munch around the office at lunch time, like it's the "Food of the Year" or some s**t like that. You don't think the mother ******** pesticides on your house salad really aren't poisonous? So, I'm guessing all those bugs are just playing dead, right? In the end, we're all going to die anyway. Everything we eat is going to kill us eventually, so what's the use? You let me die eating what I love, and I'll let you go to your grave with the five pounds of bacon fat you had for breakfast clogging your heart. Are we in agreement here? Jeez, I think I need to go kill somebody. Hey! Yea, I'm talking to you, Atkins fatty! Want to help the world? Go sit on one of those Spring Break jackasses.
In short, sober up, stop screwing your ******** cousin, let me die in peace, and either get smart or curl up in a corner somewhere and die. Please, you spring break buffoons, just die. You're lowering humanity's collective intelligence.
 Prometheus-of-the-Pies · Tue Mar 29, 2005 @ 01:10am · 6 Comments |
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