Recently, Ive been very busy, doing other things that dont involve love or passion...stuff like that, and its been fun...doing homework non-stop, working with other teams, hanging out with people, etc, etc, etc.; Im surrounded by other people who seem to be happy....I dont think they even fake anything...they dont look sad...they dont look like they've got problems...their faces seem so peaceful.
The thought of being around others with a true and honest smile on their faces seems to make my day somewhat fun...or meaningful to some extent....still....I have doubts if that really does make me happy. Can fun really be related to happiness? Or am I just passing my time doing something to distract myself from the thoughts in my mind and the shadow of my sorrow?.....Its really unclear to me what the right thing to feel is.
Perhaps maybe I still dream about my lost love's face....but the light of reality has somehow made me forget and I am forever in their debt. I feel like this pain wont fully heal, because my strongest, most cherished and valuable bond was severed thanks to the darkness of her heart...that took over that day...
It may be not too late to start over again, who knows, maybe I'll run into something good and expect something better, of course...thats only a 10% chance of happening to me, since I know myself very well....This world is controlled by competition, different ideals, and seperate traditions that bring about war....I guess thats the same among friends in high school, perhaps...maybe thats how real wars originated....Im going to try and let myself be a little bit closer to those who are bathed in light...I want to try...I want to believe in miracles again...Just this one more time....
Oh, Dear God of mine, I apologize to all my past sins, and the shame I have caused myself before...but please...I pray once more...I want to be happy....I want to believe in magic....so that the pain will heal and somehow...turn everything for the best...I want everyone to be happy...because I know someday, that's what makes me happy...inside....Amen.
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Halo days, Black nights, Memories of Ragnarok
The blade of the abyss is walking the earth, and you just might see him...just dont make him mad please
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