Don't touch it. Don't touch my heart. Don't see the dark and evil things lurking inside of it. If you take away the pain, the suffering,my sins - if you take these things away I won't know who I am anymore. There won't be anything left to be. If you try to heal them, make the scars fade and renew me - there won't be anything left to go on. If you try to get close, if you try to pull this away - I won't let you - I'll resist, because that's all I'm holding on to. These words, these memories, this pain - that's all that's left. So don't touch it. Don't try to touch my heart. Don't try to turn the darkness into light. It'll die, and there will be nothing there.
I thought they were fake. The me I am, the me who I was. Was any of it real, or not? I don't know anymore. When I tried to remember, I couldn't find the pieces to the missing puzzle. There were only empty holes, and empty reminders of something that might have been there before. Even when I look at myself, I think it's fake. I pretend to be happy, I show them that everything is alright even when a part of me feels like it's dieing inside. I never pretended to know who I was,but when I looked back, it looked like I was a nobody - a fake version of what used to be or never was.
If I wasn't here, if no one needed me. If I just faded away, would anyone notice? When people smile, when they talk to each other and act like I'm not there. What does that make me? When others carelesssly throw away something precious to me, when they laugh at my ideas or ridicule my answers. What does that make me? When others lose me in the shadows or neglect to notice me, what does that make me? If there was an obstacle and I couldn't overcome it, if I couldn't help - if there was nothing I could do because I wasn't strong enough... What does that make me? If I cannot stand on my own, taking other's strengths and watching them suffer. What does that make me? I guess here's only one word to describe me. Useless.
If you hang up, the tears will start to flow. If you hang up, I will only have silence. If you hang up, there won't be any comfort. There won't be joy or sanity. If you hang up, I can't find the voice. There won't be another chance for me. If you hang up, I might not get to say what matters most. There will be so many regrets. If you hang up, maybe you can forget me. There won't be any sorrow. If you hang up, I won't punish you for it. There won't be any lies from me.
In this world full of pain, and my pain. I want to say those words, let them fall and be known so they can heal. But I don't want my burdens to be yours. I want to protect you, even at my own risk. But what if they become too much? Will I still be afraid then? How can I find the answer when I don't let myself turn? Maybe I'm selfish to keep them, and to push them away. Until then, I'll drift.
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If I Fade Away
.....Would anyone notice?
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