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Soccer felt -really good- today.

Even though we ran for an hour. When I was running my body was becoming numb and I was light headed. Then my eyes became unfocused and I was dizzy.

Then my abdomen was feeling it. That's the worse since it can disable me for half an hour to an hour if it's REALLY painful (its like like having a painful cycle. Horribly.) But I pushed through it. Totally. I felt good about that. I just hate when I'm -not tired- but my body is giving up. Its not a good feeling.

Felt dizzy for a while. Omg, then we played a little and it felt so good to be back in that environment. Everyone is talking to one another and passing so well--they remind me of finches. O____O You know, finches squak and move around constantly. Pretty cool, haha.

Right now I'm just trying to get through this feeling of intense sadness. I've been going to the counselor and she says I have clinical depression. Awwww~ anyway, I've never had it before so when I was feeling bad I just figured I'd get over it, but I never did. ): Yeah, that's why I was pretty mopy around the guild last year. But thanks for putting up with me and not making fun of my huge emo-ness. crying

See I -want- to do something but I can't motivate myself. I tell myself to get into the game but my mind said "No". gonk It was bothering me and it may have started early 2006. So, now I'm getting help because it's obviously not getting any better.

Soccer didn't cause it (surprise!) but it was mostly my life and me being too critical of myself and being OVERWHELMED. Right now I'm trying to get rid of this feeling that it's all so hopeless. Saaaad~!

But exercising really helped. I like it when my body is worked out so intensely. I suppose I like the feeling that I accomplished something. It takes me out of my head and into the game. heart

A little. I'm still trying to get rid of this and I really want it to stick.