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War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Don't like my attitude? Call 1800-KISS-MY-a**

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes

Reality Sucks! I’m Gonna Keep On Dreamin

I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal!

A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

I don't curse, drink and smoke. H*ly s**t! My cigarette fell in my glass of beer!

Dont steal, the government hates competition

If you hate me, i love you too. It ain't my fault i'm better than you

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot

If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?

Don't judge a man by his boxers, it's what's inside that counts

What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me

Children in the dark cause accidents. Accidents in the dark cause children

I like to con and insult people, that's why I chose to become a Consultant

This isn't school! This is Hell with flourecent lighting

3 words to ruin a guys ego..is it in??

Women/Men are like public toilets, they are either taken or full of s**t