okay if things dont get any better i swear im gonna go nutz...
UPDATE:
well as it turned out he didnt have a reason for breaking up with me he just did it..(so he says) then i wound up going to a dance this past saterday and hooked up w/a new guy named Alex, and well that wasnt good...i went out w/him thinking i could get over Deon better this way. and it didnt work, i told the guy the truth, "Im not ready for a relation ship right now" and we broke up last night. then after the breakup i called Deon to talk to him about it because at the time he still hadnt given me a reason, and thats when i found out there was no reason, and then we went into a bunch of different things and we talked a lot about why i called and i really wasnt sure why and i still dont know why. I had said that "I dont know how or why but for some reason im not ready for a relationship with anyone" and he said "Well do you want me to be a jerk so you can get over me? or do you want me to leave you alone for a while? or do you want me to go back out with you? or...." and he went on about all of it and it really bugged me and i wanted to say YES YES I DO WANT TO GO BACK OUT WITH YOU PLEASE! but i knew that id just get hurt again or that he'd b doing it out of pity, so i didnt say that but i did say "I dont want you to go out w/me out of pity" and he said "I dont go out w/girls out of pity, if i want i can just drop you like a stick and leave you alone completely." and i knew about a girl he had done that w/because she didnt want him for him she wanted him for sex so i knew he could and would do that but still id didnt know what i wanted anymore i didnt know if i wanted him back or if didnt want him back, so i didnt really answer him about it but then he got a beep for the other line and while he was answering that my phone died and i couldnt get ahold of another phone because i wasnt at home, so this morning i went up and talked to him telling him why i was gone from the phone and he wanted me to walk with him so i followed him and i didnt know where we were going and i kept asking and he just said we're just walking around and he wound up walking me to class and going to his class and we didnt really talk at all the whole walk except for me trying to find out why we were walking. so what should i do? i dont know how to tell my own feelings anymore i dont know how i feel i dont know what i want i dont know if i even want and i dont know what to do.
 Nyoko Rai · Tue Feb 01, 2005 @ 04:21pm · 1 Comments |
