For so long now I have been ripped apart... The reason is because a girl I loved deeply named Jennie left me... Ever since I have not been the same person and I hate the person I've become so much, but I hate her even more... I hate her so much... It was my own fault she left me...
No! It was hers! You know humans can't be trusted, they are evil creatures!
Why am I not good enough to be human if they're so evil...
You're better than them, only a few people see you as a monstrousity.
We used to be so happy... She came out of nowhere it seemed and brought peace and joy to my heart, but I lacked a solid foundation and she is gone... I now have no foundation what'soever... I hate her so much for this... I want her to feel the pain of lost identity, the pain that I now have... I want the whole world to wallow in the selfish anguish I suffer... I'm so sorry... I cannot choose whether to hate or love this place I live in... I'm virtually been split up into two different people...
I hate you, chances of that being true is most likely... I bring up my pain because I have a window to escape it, and it's not suicide, but the choice I make may drive me come back to that final conclusion...
For a while Margo and I have been talking about me moving to Utah and getting my college degree there... I already have a job waiting for me there... It is the perfect life for me... But my ******** useless memories of this house and my real family keep me in a stalemate.
Could I leave my upbringings for good? Just thinking about leaving this place and never coming back, it makes me wonder what I would be leaving behind. My room... With all it's memories that I had... I am so stuck to it...
I still have a small group of friends... The others are all gone, but I don't think I could miss them... Mom and Steve hate me anyways so no problem there. I hate me too, so I can relate to them...
All the cats I had ever had, and my father... Are memories I cherish, and I must move on...
But we can't abandon this place...
I Must... I hate all the ******** humans here! You know it will change!
There has to be another way...
There is... ~eyes knife in the wall~ There is...
I have thought about it so much... Taking my own life would be a wonderful escape, the only problem is, I don't know if it would work... ~rubs eyes~ I hate myself so much... I'd be doing everybody a big, big favor... I've already began to saw at my legs... But, that will be our little secret, journal...
On a note I hate women, plain and simple. They are stupid creatures who absorb us men and make us abide by there rules. When a woman becomes president, we know we lost America...
Farewell... Next time I'll report how I did on my driver's test... I hope.
 Shielsia · Thu Nov 16, 2006 @ 01:52am · 0 Comments |
