I just dunno what i want anymore. Kenny asked me lastnight what i thought he could give me...and i just can't think anymore right now. I just don't know.
...today at lunch kenny wasn't really feeling to great...so we went and sat in a side hallway and listened to Bright eyes with him on his ipod...there was a moment where i just felt so....i ...don't even know... but for a moment i was about to cry. I feel so helpless when i am around him and he is sad like that. I don't take it personal or anything, but i just wish i could do something to help him. T.T it hurts. If just sitting with him helps, then i will sit with him, if he asks me to go away...i would ><; not that i would want to...but you know....T.T whatever helps.
there are so many other thoughts in my head right now...but i am so tired i can't seperate one from the next.
Is like trying to catch fish with your bare hands in mucky swampy water....
I have this...alone feeling. *stabs my organs* i blame it on pms...wanting to have someone....but there isn't much i can do. Not at the moment. Moment by moment...so helpless....i can't do anything about anything. The few problems i have right now i can't really do much at all to fix, or i have done all i can do...-_- *so helpless* gah....now i am just depressing myself. >< i fail at life. Everythign is on my nerves. i make my sister sad and more depressed because she gets on my nerves so easily right now...and she takes it personaly -_- I lover her to death but she takes everything so hard...it makes it harder when i am trying to just keep my damn emotions in line, because she makes me feel guilty and depressed.
pfft...and i have done all i can do for now as far as trtying to fill that empty feeling. I told Kenny i like him. and i am working to get to know him more. But i can't make him return feelings for me. And i am not going to go after someone else....i don't play that way. I don't hold naything against him...but it adds to the whole 'i suck at life' theme i am thinking in right now.
Nothing i can do to fix anything. nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing. So ******** helpless right now.....
-_-; i am bad for myself sometimes...
(i only got like 3 hours of sleep or so...we had a windstorm and it kept me up most of the night....that and thoughts churning around in my head)
 HatsuharuRocks · Tue Nov 14, 2006 @ 05:18am · 0 Comments |
