The last time I really thought about her was two years ago. And now, I refeel the pain of losing her.
Erika Mieko Cabell was my best friend for as long as I can remember. She and I did everything together. We were park buddies in Elementary and she'd always come over. Always. My mom loved her, Lola knew about her, and the siblings thought she was cool. If her and I were any closer, I would've been in love with that girl. We started losing it when I started dating. Oh, how stupid our fights were. I'd pretend that I knew my boyfriend better than she did, but I knew better than anyone else that I was lying. I was just too proud to admit that I was wrong. The aftermath of that relationship's end included me hurting her many times without knowing it and actually causing her to cry. I saw her walking with my ex, and without thinking, I yelled at her and called her a traitor. When I arrived home with an old friend Leahi, I realized that what I did was stupid, but again, I didn't want to admit to it because I thought I was so good. Then, the phone rings and Erika's brother Adam is asking me if I knew why she was crying. Right then and there, I hung up the phone and ran to her house with Leahi. I wanted to hold her, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. All I did was sob on her curbside outside of her house and told her I was sorry over and over.
She began sending me lyrics to different Good Charlotte and Simple Plan songs that explained how she felt, but at the time, that's all I thought they were: lyrics, nothing more. She sent me 'Say Anything' by GC multiple times to show me that she didn't want to lose my friendship, but my stupid eyes overlooked those. Eventually, I just started ignoring the emails with lyrics (big and stupid mistake.) I began fighting with her over stupid things, getting mad at every little thing she did. I thought I was so mature and cool. God I hate looking back at myself. I can't believe I wondered why she left me. Slowly and without knowing it, I was losing her friendship. ********, I was so blind.
Then 7th grade came, and things changed. We never walked to school together anymore, and when we did, it felt awkward. We never had any classes together, and we hung out with different people. Then one brilliant morning, stupid me decided to act cool, and I put my arm around her. The first thing she did was fling it off of her, and I got pissed and walked away cursing at her. That night when I got online, I tried talking to her and she replied with this:
Tell me, does it feel good to be like you
And tell me, why should I waste my time with you
Cuz maybe you always bring me down
And I'm sick of being pushed around
I'm not gonna change, you can't make me
That was the end of it... I spoke to her a few times after, but it wasn't very pleasant. After singing My Bloody Valentine with Jana at the Mililani tournament, I haven't stopped singing that and 'Say Anything' since then. I just... really miss her now. Dammit, I really do...
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Rain.
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My life is a lesson in losses.
I learn one at a time.
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heart My life is a lesson in losses.
I learn one at a time.