This is out of my hands, now. I keep meeting people in hopes of making friends, but instead of them wanting friendship, they want a relationship.
Yeah Jana. Kalani likes me a lot, and the thought of it scares me. I can't allow him to have such feelings simply because I can't return them, but I can't tell him off because it would turn him against me. The choices are so simple, yet so hard to choose between.
The other thing that bothers me is that people seem to think they 'love me' simply because I either relate to them or I seem interesting. Do you really think I want to hear you say I love you if that's all you 'love' me for? Some of you who are saying I love you... I just met you last weekend. How is this possible? I don't want to hear an "I love you" from a mouth that has decieved before and then hear you say "oh, because I can relate to you" or "because you're awesome". I know it sounds high maintinence, but those things just aren't good enough for me to hear.
Also... I feel like history might repeat itself again. If some of you recall correctly, I had that Jana and Dwayne thing going on where I couldn't choose one over the other, but ended up with Jana and felt guilt and pain for a while. Minus the 'not knowing who to pick over who' part, I feel this way about Kalani. He wants me to be with him badly (it's super obvious) and I fear hurting his feelings to the point where I'll lose his 'friendship'. I've told him that I wouldn't leave Jana, especially for someone I met two days ago, yet he keeps giving me the 'guilt trip'. How am I supposed to do this? Dammit all. This is why you NEVER break promises to yourself, especially when you make ones about never talking to guys from Damien again. Hah! Then what the ******** do I do? "Hi I'm Lina, from JCHS. You must be from Damien! How are you?" I'm so stupid. ********.
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Rain.
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My life is a lesson in losses.
I learn one at a time.
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heart My life is a lesson in losses.
I learn one at a time.