ugh. Surprise. life still 'sucks a**s' as andy would say...
That stupid feeling of emtiness is almost too much to take.
I need someone to cement up that gaping hole in my heart for good...
And old poem from last year....i feel like it now...
Eyes of one who could love so much,
Longing for a human touch,
Eyes so alone in the world they see,
Eyes of whom belong to me...
i am angry and sad at the world, at my friends, at my family....at my ipod...(its been 5 hours and its still not done charging)
i don't think he knows how much....but i still really miss the connection i had with Brandon. i want to be able to get close to somebody like that agian....i miss having that...ability...to have someone to go to. He may not have been there for me pysicaly...but i felt like he was still with me. I still knew he cared. He was my first real love. i still love him, i still care how he is doing, i still wish him the best in life... we still talk as friends and everything...but its not quite the same...
I have to move on from him. Ouch...it hurts to think that. Its been hard to lose those romantic feelings for him, but i can't stop caring and i don't think i will. I need to find someone i can touch though... who can comfort me. Especialy in times like now.
I'm feelign so alone right now....because the only one i can really go to for that comfort is my momma....but right now she is angry with me. I have no one to go to. right now....i am alone to hurt. right now i honestly want to cut myself, or scratch, something....just inflict injury....i want to show how i feel inside on the outside...but i just won't do it. Its not worth hurting other people who care about me. Even if it doesn't feel like they do care... i don't want to cause anyone pain. So...i sit here alone struggling with myself.
******** iPod....
Kenny...i am going to let you listen to "Make damn sure" by takng back sunday on monday when i see you...if the damn ipod had finished charging by then...cause....were going on 6 hours now and the orange 'charging' light is still blinking. That song really makes me think of Kenny. Idk...it just fits somehow.
T.T i am so sad right now and its just almost pointless sadness.
******** then i hear "Beg" by Evans blue play and i think of Brandon.
What made my heart whole....what could make me whole again...who i loved so deep...and who i am starting to love so deeply now....
Shoot
me.
Please.
Life is like...pie. And i get angry and sad when i see couples kissing and hugging at school. I want a peice of it, because i have never had it before. I'm getting bored with were i am and i want to move onwards in my life, i want to get a car, a job...a lover. I want to move out asap....i want to just get out and do things. Go places, be somewhere but home. i need a taste of something new...my life is getting stale and i am sick of chewing on it.
...i want a peice of the pie...
....its right in front of me....
...I can almost touch it...
...but there is bulletproof glass infront of it...
...So i sit here...
...and it taunts me...
.....
 HatsuharuRocks · Sat Nov 04, 2006 @ 04:16am · 0 Comments |
