Last night i bit the bullet and told kenny how i felt. He understood. Its a big weight off my chest, and it feels so good to be blatantly honest with him. I can open up to him without worry of him hurting me, i can...bare my heart to him without worry.
Its going to be a while before i get really close to him. Just because i feel there is so much for me to learn about him. I want to establish a mental conection with him before i even think about anything physical.
To tell the trruth, i am afraid to hurt him, like others have. But i am determined not to. It seems clear to me that he is open minded as far as a possible relationship. So...maybe in a few months...who knows. i might have gained a good friend, or maybe a lover. Maybe my feelings towards him will fade, or maybe they will only get stronger and deeper.
Bah, before things were fading a little, but now....its back full force. I am feeling things even stronger than i did at the dance, because...he isn't going to run from me. He understands that i like him. It isn't really a problem, only a possibility. It sparks new love and respect for him. ><; even stronger than before. I am pretty sure this isn't going to go away. Not completly atleast.
i have never been though any of this in the real world though. This is all new...and i am a little afraid. I mean...a guy hasn't paid attention to the fact that i exist as a person before...and this is untreaded territory for me.
Whatever, i am still going to follow what my heart says and use my head to keep things straight. And i am not going to be afraid to love him. I am not going to stop myself from loving him. If thats how things go, then thats how they go. I will think equaly with my brain and my heart, i am not going to trip into something over my head because i was too stupid to think. Not when there is a great friendship at risk.
Like i said before, i am not looking for some petty obsession lovestruck relationship...i want something serious and meaningfull...a mature relationship.
he said....that he could kinda tell that i liked him, because of the way i looked at him...^_^; geeze i didn't even know i was really looking at him differently. Kenny has super Spidey sences. He said he wasn't sure if he should have said something to me about it or what. ^_^; nnn well i beat him to it. lol
I have trouble...talking to him face to face, i am not sure why...but conversation just gets hard when i am face to face with people...maybe i am just not used to his company yet...or maybe i lack social skills? i never know quite what to say, or how to start a conversation when there is nothign really to talk about. I have spent most of my life pretty much to myself...pretty quiet and not too social with anyone but my friends. Only recently...have i been...reborn. I have been a lot happier and outgoing since this summer, and its a big improvement in my life.
I am not even sure how much sence that made....but hey, i got 5 hours of sleep lastnight.
 HatsuharuRocks · Sat Oct 28, 2006 @ 06:16am · 0 Comments |
