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ramblings of a ******** angsty girl
This is the offspring of my main journal, which can be found at livejournal.com/~kiota. For the previous two or three years, including the history of my depression, self-injury, anorexia, suicides, and psych ward, see the other journal.
and swing and swing and swing
A pill for everything, right? A pill for hurt and a pill for the side effects and a pill for that pill and everything can be fixed with the right medication, right combination. ******** lies. I asked the psychiatrist. Begged her. I want an aspirin. I want an aspirin for my depression. Just when it gets really bad like this... something I can take that will make it pass.

Like drugs. Yeah. I didn't mention that bit. I wonder if there's legal marijuana in Israel for medical reasons. And if I would qualify.

It would be so much simpler if I could find a dealer.

There's no such thing as an aspirin for depression.

It's bad now. Just a mood swing. Took maybe two, three seconds to go from semi-bad to free-fall. I feel sort of dizzy. light-headed. Have people died of sadness? Not from side effects like anorexia or cutting or stuff like that, but just plain sadness? Emotional overload? Isn't there some sort of mechanism in the body that decides the mind can't deal with any more sadness and it's timeto shut down?

And wouldn't it be great if there were?

The only question is, how much can I stand.

It's been worse than this.

Yeah, it's been a lot worse.

Every time I think this is the limit, any worse and I WILL break down into a gibbering lump, circuit overload, cardiac arrest, because there's no way anyone can deal with this kind of depression... every time I think it's the limit, it proves me wrong. And falls. And falls.

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