So I was sitting around and I had this idea. Why don't I make this movie? Um... about some form of public transportation... um... a train! Yeah, a train! And, uh... there are people on the train! Yeah! Like, um, famous people! Jack Black! Yeah, so he's on the train... and then... there's ants on the train! Uh... red ants! No, that's not scary enough... oh! Giant African Carpenter Ants! And... uh... they can fly! So Jack Black is like, "We all gotta stick together to defeat these ants." But then Keanu Reeves shows up and he's like, "No! The ants are a blessing from the gods! We must worship them, and they shall stop attacking!" So half the people obey Jack Black, and half obey Keanu Reeves, who starts his own ant-cult. And then...... um.... OH! AND THEN JESSICA SIMPSON SHOWS UP! And she gets attacked by the ants! And the ants are vampires! So Jessica Simpson's a vampire and she's attacking people right and left and Keanu Reeves is like, "The ants demand human sacrifice! They are displeased with us mortals!" But then Jessica Simpson kills him and Jack Black gets all depressed because he was secretly in love with Keanu... and so Drew Barrymore and Denzel Washington show up, and they're like, "We're gonna defeat these giant flying african vampire carpenter ants with out ninja skills!" ninja But then Mel Gibson is a vampire too, and he bites Denzel, who starts biting people so now half the train is vampires... and Jack Black realizes that the only way to save the world is to crash the train and kill everyone on it. So he goes to the conductor.... um.... Elijah Wood... and they have an epic battle like none the world (or Middle Earth) has ever seen... but finally Jack Black manages to crash the train into a fiery ball of doom. And the only two survivors are Patrick Stewart and Sylvester Stallone and they fall in love and run off to Jamaica to make babies.
And they never ride a train AGAIN.
Jasmine Perishing Community Member 
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Community Member