I guess I kinda just feel the need to write an entry right now. There is a lot going on in my head that I need to get out, otherwise if I got o sleep it will come up in my dreams of I will forget it and these are things I ought not forget.
Where to start...
Well, earlier, I was hanging out with my girlfriend and another mutual friend of ours. Not, I know that she drinks when handing out with him, etc. I'm mostly OK with that. Its her choice and its not as if she is doing anything truly hanis. Its more...the way he treats it. Its like she only drink because he suggests it to her, or offers her the drink. And I didn't like that. Although I didn't show it, the simple fact that this was happening really got my steamed.
I've had people try to get me to drink. I do drink, but rarely. I don't like loosing touch with the world like that, I Don't like how if feels to be drunk. And people trying to force me to drink is something that doesn't work. But it did make my second half of my freshman year of college hell.
Then, when I see it happening again, and not only that, but to the very woman I love it truly angers me.
Perhaps this is just me venting. Or perhaps I'm only jealous that she feels she can do this around other people but not me. I don't know. Just something inside me doesn't feel right. Its like something tugging at the back of my mind telling me to be wary, to watch out, that they cliff is coming up and we can't see it. I don't know.
<Sighs.> I'm just truely...something. I can't even find a proper word to fit how I feel at this moment. Part of me wants to be angry, filled with rage. Another part wants to be worried for her, find out why this feeling of dread has taken hold of me. Yet even another part of me feels shamed, neglected. Right now I just don't know what I feel.
But that is why I'm writing this entry. I needed to get these feelings out of my head and heart. I needed to sort them out in blank and white.
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FylkSoul
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