|
The Situation (and now i know)
No, don’t argue. I know you did. I was joyfully sitting on you enjoying my “power pee”, and before I finished you flushed, splattering my a** with your toilet water mixed with my urine. The joy was lost. I frantically tried to wipe myself with toilet paper, but you impressively covered a large portion of my lower body with your water, making it difficult to wipe it all. I had to stand in the stall, with my pants down, airing out my a** for five minutes. As I did this, you happily flushed twelve times, mocking me with your porcelain grin.
I enjoyed this rant *althow not mine* should i share it, i think so.
that is in the top five of my catagory *Most Disturbing Things Kurt Has Ever Sent Me Through Gaia*... oh, am I allowed to talk to you now? I thought that on account of me trying to steel you away from Bethanie and such, I wasn't supposed to talk to you anymore, even though you were my friend, or so I thought...
OH sam, i am so stolen away...
I dont think it matters.
Summer time is fun.
i am kinda wishing my pol were open.
talk back whenever, ok.
Um yeah, I don't know what Beth told you about that, but she yelled at me and said that I had been trying to steel you away from her and that I didn't like you two being together. I just wanted to tell you that that is completely untrue, and I have no idea where that came from. I don't know what you thought, and I know you probably don't care, but I'm telling you this anyways, because I don't want you to think that I would do or even think that. She had been acting really wierd towards me, and so had you, and I was hurt, and I didn't know what I did, but she was ignoring me and you and Danielle were acting wierd around me, and I honestly had no idea why. But she yelled at me for cutting myself in front of all those people (she yelled at me in front of people, I didn't cut myself in front of people) and yelled about me stalking her, and ignoring her, which makes no sense, and yelled that I was trying to steel you away from her, and then she said that she 'got you' by herself, and I didn't know what her deal was, but I think she has issues and needs help more than I do, because it was rediculous.
I don't think of you that way, I think of you as one of my best friends, and that's why I like to hang out with you, and I wanted to hang out with both of you. I was so not trying to steel you, or ruine your relationship, or anything else, so I have NO IDEA what that was about, no clue, and I didn't deserve that. I still don't see how I did ANYTHING wrong to ANYBODY, but if you think I did, please tell me what. I never said that I was the reason that she 'got you', like she should be thankful or something, but I did help you two break the ice because I knew the both of you better than you knew eachother, so I don't see why she would think that I didn't want you two together, because if I didn't, don't you think it would make more sense to try to sabatoge you rather than help? So I don't get it, and the thought just never crossed my mind, because I was honestly and sincerely happy for you two, and tried to mind my own business, so I was shocked and confused and really hurt when she said that. None of what she said made any sense or had any shred of truth, and also, Beth is the only one that knows that I really really like Mike Wall, I haven't really told anybody else, and she knew that I really like him, so again, I don't see why she thinks I would try to steel you. I had no reason to, and I also don't think that I made it look like that was my intention. The only intention I might have had was to hang out with you guys, because guess what, I'm lonely and pathetic and I don't have many friends, so foregive me for being a leech, but all I wanted was to have fun and hang with who I thought were my friends.
The reason that I was cutting myself is because of Beth, mostly. Because we were like best friends a week before then, and then all the sudden she was ignoring and avoiding me, and I was intentionally left out of everything and all these plans, like she was rubbing it in my face that she had a boyfriend and she had friends and I didn't, like she was trying to make me feel bad. I think that she was, because she was mad at me because she thought I was trying to steel you, but how she got that idea, I have no idea, but I think Danielle might have had something to do with it because I don't think she likes me. I was depressed because of how she was treating me, and because yes, I was jelous of you guys, but the same way that I'm jelous of Ruzena and Erik, I didn't want you for myself, I'm just lonely and with that I had what you guys have, that's all. And I was hurt because EVERYONE that was HER friend was ignoring me, I was being left out of everything, and because right then you were acting really wierd toward me, and I didn't know why, and I thoguht that something must have been going around about me, and I hope you can see how all this together would have weighed down on me. I know you guys don't understand why I do that, but I hope you can understand how all that made me feel. But not only that, I didn't see what I could have possibly done to bring that upon myself, or why on Earth I ever deserved to be treated like that. Beth also told me that I should go kill myself and get it over with three times, and then later, she denied it.
I don't know what she's told you, but whatever she thinks is true, it's not, and I just hope that you believe me, because... I don't know... it's just not fair. I didn't do anything to make you doubt me or question me, or her either, and I think I'm a very honest trustworthy person, and I have it hard enough without bullshit like this, and all this just came out of nowhere, and I don't know why I was targeted. Do you know what I did to deserve any of this? It totally ruined my whole year, and now I have to be on medication and go to therepy again, and before she started playing mind games with me I was fine, and this has just made me see her in a different light and I really think she's just a terrible person for doing this to me, and I'm not going to foregive her for what she did and said to me, because I don't have to. I didn't do anything to provoke any of this, and what she did to me was wrong, and she doesn't think it was, and I still never got an aplogy, and she wants to pretend it didn't happen. All I want her to know is that I didn't do anything, and she ruined what we could have had. We could have hung out all summer and had fun on the trip and done stuff together like we planned, but she had to humiliate me in front of all those people and tell me to go kill myself, and now no one wants to hang out with me or talk to me, so she pretty much just ruined highschool and my summer in one day, so I hope she's happy, she's succeeded in letting me know that she's so much better than me, she's so much better off, and that nobody likes me and she has all the friends and the great boyfriend, and she's succeeded in ruining what little confidence I had, and that I'm completely depressed and hating myself and feeling guilty for nothing, all because of... NOTHING! I want to know what she's told you she thinks happened, because I'm going out of my mind, because... WHY!? I didn't do anything to her!
I don't know why she felt she had to do that, but you can just let her know that I hope she's happe because she ruined me, plain and simple. Also, if she asks, I hate her, and I don't want to talk to her, and if she wants to talk to me, the first thing she'd better do is explain herself and apologize, or I want nothing to do with her. I don't have anything against you because you didn't do anything, I just hope that you don't think less of me because of what happened, because that wouldn't be fair to me, none of this is. All this drama is rediculous, and I don't like drama, and I don't try to cause drama, and I know you don't want anything to do with all this, so I'm sorry, but I didn't cause it. I don't want this.
I'm sorry this is so long, I didn't intend it to be, I just really wanted you to think of me the way you did before all this, because I know you guys must have talked about me because you're going out and you talk a lot, and I didn't want her perception of me to influence you, so I wanted you to know the truth. I also want you to know that this IS the truth, the complete truth, because I have no reason to lie and nothing to hide. I'm just very hurt and torturing myself over this, all because of... Anyways, thanks for reading this if you did, and for caring if you do, and I'm really sorry about all this, it's just nonsense. I just hope she comes to her senses, because the LEAST that she could do for me to make up for all this is to explain herself, just to give me some closure, because even though I must be a rotten person who's not worth much, I still think that I at least deserve some closure from all this. Anyway, yeah... hope at least you still like me a little... sorry... sorry......
Actually she refused to tell me what happened. I kinda stopped talking to you because you wouldnt talk to me, and then you just sat away from me. so i decided that i should not seek you out, had you talked to me i wouldn't have ignored you.
I dont want to be involved in any dispute and am not going to relay anything.
If she gets on my gaia account and reads this i dont care ( I keep all my messages and then just delete the oldest ones, or whatever ones i just think are pointless)
I think that you must have done something, i dont understand why she would just freak out on you, out of jellocy?
I know that you kept makeing her feel guilty for haveing fun, and that fact that you were lonely and cutting yourself infrount of her made her think that you wanted the attention she was giveing me. *i maby be wrong but this is it I think*
And you cutting yoruself is not right it causes so much greif, and problems, your actions caused you to also be on whatever medicin. Nomatter how much someone freaked out on me and said things to me I dont think they would try to put me on medicin.
I apologized for acting that way, and I guess I payed for it by being ignored and left out, fine, but I still didn't deserve that, and besides being lonely, I didn't do anything. Yes, I suppose I wanted attention, but not in the way you think. Like I said, I was lonely and upset, and I wanted to be included, but I didn't cut for attention, the opposite actually. I know what grief it causes when people find out, because it's happened before, which is why I DON'T cut in front of people, and before I started hanging out with Beth agian, I hadn't cut for about 5 months, because I didn't like the attention I got when anybody found out, so I made myself stop. But with all this drama being created, and other stuff too, like at home and junk, it all weighed down again, and I couldn't find anything else to do. I didn't do it that day because I wanted pity or whatever, if I ever became that pathetic I think I would kill myself, which by the way I've never actually thought about doing because I'm not that selfish, and has nothing to do with cutting, dispite what people may think. I did it then because you guys completely ignored me and I was confused, like why the hell was danielle allowed to hang with you guys and not me? so everything just came down on me so I went away from you guys...
but anyway, it's clear to me now what you think of me, so goodbye to you too. I couldn't stand to be around someone if I knew they thought down on me so much... see you next school year I guess.
Besides this Idk... maby she read the word wouldn't have ignored her as would have ignored her (maby)
If anybody else reads this dont be afraid to post.
|
Community Member