This seems to be a reoccurring thing throughout my life...
My mind is often flooded with questions that never get answered, as well...
What did I do?
Did I do anything wrong?
How did this happen?
Am I the one to blame?
Is this what I deserve?
But my mind often fills in the answers for me.
You're doing something wrong.
You messed up.
You're just a burden.
You weren't enough.
You don't even know what happened to me in my past that makes me feel this way.
I'm sorry though...
I'm sorry that I wasn't, nor ever will be, enough for you to stick around.
I never have been.
Never will be...
Enough.
It's not my fault you never chose to communicate with me like a human being.
You're the one who treated me less than a human, regardless, if I put all my own burdens aside for you.
"There's nothing for you to worry about."
"We are friends."
"I care about you."
"You can trust me."
These are the lines of all of my past friends abusers.
And there is nothing that separates you from them.
Of course, I'm angry.
Of course, I'm depressed.
Of course, I'm anxious...
but that doesn't mean I won't forgive you.
I need my own closure since you denied me that liberty of having it.
But I'm not, nor ever will be, worth apologizing to
because I'm the one who messed up.
I open up about my depression, anxiety, PTSD, trust issues, abandonment issues, and more...
and what do I get?
Exactly what I told you I feared the most...
being too much or never being enough, at all.
It's been 3 years and 5 months (and counting) since I've decided to trust someone enough to call them my family. Never again, though. You can be my acquaintance, hell, you can be my friend, sure.
But I refuse to trust since that day.
So... uh, ******** you. emotion_kiss emotion_bigheart
My mind is often flooded with questions that never get answered, as well...
What did I do?
Did I do anything wrong?
How did this happen?
Am I the one to blame?
Is this what I deserve?
But my mind often fills in the answers for me.
You're doing something wrong.
You messed up.
You're just a burden.
You weren't enough.
You don't even know what happened to me in my past that makes me feel this way.
I'm sorry though...
I'm sorry that I wasn't, nor ever will be, enough for you to stick around.
I never have been.
Never will be...
Enough.
It's not my fault you never chose to communicate with me like a human being.
You're the one who treated me less than a human, regardless, if I put all my own burdens aside for you.
"There's nothing for you to worry about."
"We are friends."
"I care about you."
"You can trust me."
These are the lines of all of my past friends abusers.
And there is nothing that separates you from them.
Of course, I'm angry.
Of course, I'm depressed.
Of course, I'm anxious...
but that doesn't mean I won't forgive you.
I need my own closure since you denied me that liberty of having it.
But I'm not, nor ever will be, worth apologizing to
because I'm the one who messed up.
I open up about my depression, anxiety, PTSD, trust issues, abandonment issues, and more...
and what do I get?
Exactly what I told you I feared the most...
being too much or never being enough, at all.
It's been 3 years and 5 months (and counting) since I've decided to trust someone enough to call them my family. Never again, though. You can be my acquaintance, hell, you can be my friend, sure.
But I refuse to trust since that day.
So... uh, ******** you. emotion_kiss emotion_bigheart
