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I need to b***h and moan for a minute. i personally feel like i've done a decent job of not spewing negativity to the general public lately and i just need to vent some crappy feelings. Hoooo man I am not feeling my typical 47% today if you know what i'm sayin
I feel like i wasted all of my remotely good mood on yesterday when it turned out highly dissatisfying. I managed to pass out between 12 and 1am last night which is a first and generally positive but i wound up sleeping until like noon today. I don't know why my brain wants to keep telling me i woke up around 8 something though. maybe i did, for like two seconds, then went back to bed or something but i specifically remember waking up and being disappointed in myself so...proof

anyway i made myself something to eat that i highly regret eating and now i'm tired and hate myself. Negativity has been looming over me like a low-lying cloud today even though it's not a terrible day in itself. I think it just has to do with the state of the country and world in general that can make even ok days feel like i'm just waiting for disaster to strike. I just want to curl up and sleep this off and hopefully wake up with more hope in everything. my aches like i slept on it wrong and my allergies are even messing with me as of yesterday. I'm super tired. I got up and dressed like i was going to go somewhere today. I'm not going anywhere. It's not so much anxiety (yet) today as it is pure lethargy. and today is so hot that it sucks.

the room i'm using as a bedroom is a ******** wreck and always looks like s**t cause i never feel like cleaning it anymore. my bed is so covered in s**t that it looks like it belongs to a hoarder but it's literally just 1/3 of my belongings i had to move off the floor to vacuum. it's still a mess though. and i haven't vacuumed in 5ever. I need to go through my s**t again cause no doubt I don't need or use a good portion of what i have. i'm used to going every half year or something and getting rid of like 1/3 of my stuff cause i don't use hardly anything i own. I miss sleeping in my bed but at the same time i don't like sleeping in that room (probably cause it's so far away from the tv and i'm used to falling asleep by one). i've been sleeping on the couch for months now and it's not the greatest feeling.

People have been so negative lately that it's draining. I just want to go back to sleep. i can't wait for either this coffee to kick in or for 8 to roll around so i can crash cause i don't feel like i have the energy to even be around people.

i might edit this later to add more but probably not
peace oot