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Hello, hello!

Oh reader, I've missed you, y'know? In a world so full of fellow souls, you'd think it would be a struggle to feel as alone as I feel right this very moment. I need you, reader, and this journal. Just for a little bit, I hope. I have things to attend to and I hope I don't get consumed in my thoughts as I so often do.

This journal is a precious little journal. "Lucia's World" is a cute title. Kudos to little me for naming it that. How original, too, haha. (Please catch the sarcasm there!)

*deep breaths*

Something has come over me. It's like The Shadow is taunting me, waiting for me to lose my focus just for a jiffy. I am convinced The Shadow is always there, even when I can't sense it. Y'see, it always returns to me so it simply can't ever wander too far. Lately, as each day passes, The Shadow comes nearer and nearer to me. I don't know what to do, reader.

And, between you and me, I'm... *ahem* quite terrified.

I don't want to lapse back into depression. I don't want to wake up with no will to live the day. I don't want to cry myself to sleep every single night. I don't want to scratch all the skin off my arms, my legs, my neck, etc. I don't want to disappear again. I don't want to want to disappear again. I don't want to keep having breakdowns and I... don't want to be alone.

And I'm not alone, reader! I mean, you're here, aren't you? Someone's on the other side of my screen reading my silly little words and keeping me company at some point in the future. Thank you for being there for me. smile

I'm not alone, I reiterate, but I do feel alone. My soul feels so secluded from... everything. I feel detached and yet I still cry over things of this world. I feel to distant, and yet I cry over the things that are supposed to be near to me. I... am so small, reader. I feel so insignificant.

Like an ant, except I do get sick, haha. (ant-ibodies)

I feel very grey, reader. I'm in a state where I'm struggling to feel anything grander than a forced smile or less than a tear. I've associated this feeling with the precursor to my breakdowns. I've begun to wait for the next breakdown, here. I'm waiting here, in my world, "Lucia's World."

Hey reader, do you know me? I mean, I'm fine if you don't. That's completely okay. I actually have grand respect for unfamiliar souls who stumble upon the rants of my consciousness, but...

Oh, reader, if you do know me, might you be so kind as to share a hug with me when you see me? Because I'm falling apart, reader, into millions of pieces and I fear that if I keep breaking, one day I won't be able to put myself together again.

Can someone help me? Can someone spare a kind word or a thoughtful phrase or or or anything. I'm so lonely, reader.




Today's lyrics:
A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal
You look so tired and unhappy

Will The Shadow ever leave me? yum_puddi