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30 inches of snow. 30 inches of snow. Bloody hell, some parts are taller than me. I went missing in the snow when my landlady and I went out to dig out our cars. That being said, this week was a bust concerning money. I only worked 8 hours and next week has me at 20 hours hopefully. If it weren't for my tax return being twice what I expected, I would be screwed financially. I hate this job so much, it costing more than it is a benefit. People there treat the world like it's a toilet. Not to mention that at least two of my co-workers are trying to get into my pants, it's uncomfortable, weird and insulting since we are completely different people with completely different interests. Which means they only want to ******** me. It's demeaning, and personally I think they are only doing because they think they are smooth Casa Novas who can try and trick me into doing more work for them. It's pathetic.

And now I can't even get a paycheck to make up for their B.S. But I am trapped here till school is done.

Plus this crush of mine is really not working out. In the beginning it was so easy to believe this guy was into me but lately it feels like he barely recognizes I exist. That really freaking hurts. I am really starting to feel the emptiness of it now that Valentine's Day approaches. Do I not deserve to have someone who is a good person who treats me like a human being, validates my emotions and my existence? Sometimes I wonder with my autism and my depression if I will ever be able to be a descent guy, like I am trapped with horrible people because my depression makes me hard to understand. I don't want to be pitied, I want someone who treats me like a human and that my anger my hurt are okay to have, instead of shutting me down the minute I emote these feelings.

I am angry and frustrated at this guy for sort of leading me on. Or turning out to be another mirage, another fake. I got the idea that maybe when he talks to me now its because I gave up on the idea and that's when he wants to talk to me because he thinks I'm not crushing on him anymore. Then I got a dream last night that I was quiting Red Robin and he had a chance to ask me before I left and he didn't, just confirming it. That's a sucker punch since it feels like all I am to these people is a child to be manipulated and used, or ignored. I am an adult woman who has dealt with so much and achieved so much. I am not a child and deserve to be treated as such. Again I don't want to be pitied or patronized. Don't think that just because I don't catch things instantly that I won't figure it out or remember it. I have a hard time forgiving for a very good reason, and I can be your worst nightmare if you cross me.

I am just so done with this. It hurts so much and I just want someone who makes me feel safe and happy and fulfilled. I need a partner, not a sex toy or someone who sees me as a sex toy. Or again, a child, I am not a bloody child. I need someone who is going to help me, not be a weight that pulls me back under.

I just don't know, it's just so stupid. I am just so hurt and frustrated over this I have no words for it. I am just ready to be done. Part of me still holds out hope but it needs to die because this dude is another joke that I fell for.