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This is the day I will begin again.

This is the day I must move on in my life.

In my friend circle which has been a boon in my life, despite some complaints has been broken by the actions of one in the group. He crossed a line on New Year's when he pinned me down and forced me to kiss him. His response immediately was "not to over-react". He crossed a line because he knew I didn't want that, by pinning me down. And his response, clearly all showing signs that this was planned and nature devious. When I confronted him the next day, in tears, he merely replied. "I'm sorry it was just a joke." Of course this did not satisfy me and plunged me into a deep darkness for a week. This prompted me to finally set up a meeting with a therapist, I hoping with her I can get some sort of solace as well as some form of organization and planning on how to overcome my depression and be fulfilled in my life, and learn how to avoid people who will eventually betray you. Looking back now at this friendship I see more and more warning signs, small, almost invincible but I can see them now. The sexual jokes, the constant put-downs about my writing talent ( which were disguised as critiques but I have another person who edits for me and never does he make me feel like a bad writer, even though he is very thoroughly) as well as my emotions. And then he spent tons of money on me, some of which I asked for, some was merely was just cause I was there. But in retrospect, I should have seen this as very clear manipulative behavior.

When I returned back and decided I was going to give him a second chance, he basically spit in my face and told me he didn't want to be my friend. That really put the nail in the coffin for me. He showed his true face and he longer need to be my life. all my other friends really still wanna hang out with me despite their ties to him and if he wants me to sacrifice my dignity and my safety for company then he can go sit and spin.

That door has closed and another has opened.

At this point in time with my art I am focusing on two different projects; the first being a series of pieces based ( loosely) on Arthurian tales, mainly that on knights. I have been prepping for these pieces by sketching out various other pieces to hopefully strengthening my hand and as well as my eye. The other is character designs for my comic books ( eventually I will go into alternate outfits and such). I just keep getting stumped on how flawless other artists’ pieces and designs are, especially with color. I keep feeling that time and my chronic sinus headaches are a major set-back in my attempt to try and develop better skills. I am hoping with this new Year, I will push myself as well as find the source of these headaches and lay them to rest. If not, develop a better constitution to work even with them. It being cold is not helping either.

I hoping with my tax return getting a desk-top computer and a scanner will allow me to work on projects with a higher quality to them. Taking pictures with my crappy little camera does not produce the best images.


In writing, I have been trying to world build my comic since in the first draft of the story, many people stated they felt the environment was all-over-the place. I have had to stop and go back to do some research since I want this world to have as much real-world tone to it as well as have some intelligent design, reflecting different concepts, historical references, ideologies etc, which eats away at time of course. Also trying to get into the nitty-gritty of local government and culture for a world that spans a galaxy if not a whole other dimension, all while keeping in a steampunk theme. Its definitely a challenge. Published authors how do you do it? I want this story to be rich and complex and intelligent while being a fun story that people enjoy, like Harry Potter or like Game of Thrones.

One idea I had was that each Story Arc would cover the 8 story archtypes ( a.k,a, Hero’s Journey, Rebirth, Tragedy, Comedy) reflecting the different struggles of humanity ( human vs, human, human vs, god, human vs himself).

Right now I am working on religions, and I am basically going to be completely overhauling what I have in favor of more research into different psychologies, mythologies that reference our world’s without being a blatant rip-off. Then on to languages.

Also in this world magic exists which gives characters abilities but trying to figure out my main character’s abilities. She is meant to be the key to defeating the main villain, who is sort of like The ultimate evil of the Universe. She sort of is like Darkseid in the sense that he wishes to wipe the Universe from existence but she was more to remake it. She is a reflection of the main character, which means my main character would be representative of Life. I was thinking that she would have some sort of control or tie to the crystals that contain energy which power this Universe. At the same time, I don’t want make her completely over-powered, yet she has to have this divine nature to her. She is a chosen one; savior in a troubled time. I am hoping that getting the world and its past down on paper will help me straighten that out.

It’s just such a massive project to get done and get done right.

Starting my Youtube channel back up is also on the checklist. Right now it will simply be vlogs until I can get enough money to buy equipment ( which also bleeds over into my artistic desires). Tax return is coming and hopefully my car will cooperate long enough for that to become a reality.

I am just hoping that keeping myself busy will fend of my depression without over-stressing myself. Also I want to have a feeling of accomplishment and pride in my work. I want to stop feeling like the best times of both my artistic skills and my life in general have already gone by. I want to stop feeling like a crappy artist and writer.