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Tomorrow, I will officially be a high schooler! I'm not too excited in reality, but the fact that I'll be attending a different school and meeting different people definitely imprints on my brain.

Not only did I move up a year in school, I also leveled up in piano lessons. I'm now level four. I don't recall if I informed you guys of when I went up to level three, but oh well.

In regards to number nine, I gave up. I thought perseverance was key, and that maybe he'll come around to have mutual feelings, but it didn't work. I didn't suffer from any tragic ending. It was my choice to stop.

To be honest, I think I did like him. I won't even try to deny it now. He was nice, and we hung out a lot. I bet my bottom dollar he liked me once, but I missed my chance.

Number nine, if you're reading this, it's true, isn't it? In the middle of our grade eight together, you liked me, didn't you? Why didn't you say anything? sad

I remember walking home with number nine one day, and we were accompanied by his brother and a classmate of ours. Let's call this classmate Matt, short for Matthew.

So there we were, walking along the river as we made our way to the train station when Matt called out to number nine's brother. Let's call him Mike. "Mike," Matt said, "why don't you just ask Lucia out?"

If you haven't already known, I am Lucia. It's in my username. TeddyLUCIA1006.

Anyways, Mike then said, "Because I know she'll reject me."

And I said... and I do regret saying this in front of number nine, "He's right. I reject everyone."

For a huge portion of my life, that statement was true. Having said no to so many, it became habit. A habit, if I might add, that began to break when I had my second crush.

I had a dream earlier in the year where number nine and I did have a relationship, one where he proposed and I accepted. No, we weren't married, but we were dating, and it was his idea. That's why I think he liked me once upon a time, since I'm prone to psychic dreams.

That dream changed me. It made me aware of my fondness for number nine.

So you might be wondering, in present day, why am I so distant to him? Well, I don't know myself. He stopped replying to everyone's text messages, even mine. It's rare that he doesn't reply to me. Well, it was rare; now it's the norm.

I kept texting him. Once a day. Sometimes twice, when I had a nightmare. Sometimes more when my nightmares scarred me (and no, I don't mean "scared me" wink . He eventually said he didn't care anymore, over text.

He stopped texting people, but he texted me. However, his text stabbed me like about ten knives. It hurt, but I could heal.

See, ever since I began liking him, I wanted to stop because I wanted to stay devoted to my second crush, my life saver. I wanted to detach my feelings for number nine from me, but I couldn't do it. Not alone.

That's why I'll say it here. Number nine, thank you for telling me you didn't care anymore. That was the push I needed to free myself from the me that likes you.

Oh, and number nine? Remember when I asked you what you'd think of me if you discovered I was a murderer? I was talking about the me that liked you. I wanted to destroy her. But I didn't need to because you did it for me.

In saying all that, I do feel a lot lighter. I don't loathe number nine now. Heck, I don't even hate him. I like him, still, but in a better way. In a more proper way. In the way I think I always wanted to like him.

But enough about number nine, right? I'm going to high school tomorrow! It's a new start! A fresh start! Probably the freshest start I'll have until university. I won't let these pesky feelings drag me down.

I am a new person! A free person! I am capable of striving on my own for the sake of my family's expectations. I will succeed!

Ahhh, but who am I kidding? My old school is two blocks away from my new school. I'll be seeing the same faces, and probably be facing the same problems. But hey! I know how to handle these problems. If there's the same problems, shouldn't they have the same solutions?

Tomorrow, I'll try my best. Wish me luck, fellow gaians!


Today's lyrics are:
Something in the wind has learned my name
And it's tellin' me that things are not the same
In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze
There's a pleasin' sense of happiness for me

Comment the song's artist and title and you'll be rewarded!

Oh, I almost forgot. Thanks for reading! And good night if the night is upon you. yum_puddi