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Why can't I make my heart listen to me?
It just beats for anyone.
It's a slutty heart.
If I see a cute asian guy, it'd just skip a beat.
If I see a previous crush, it'd skip a beat.
If it hears any music that would remind me of my ex, it'd skip a beat.
I mean, for God's Sake, ugh
why can't I love one guy
i know that once i'm in a relationship, i'm only focused on someone for so long.
sad thing is, when i am in a relationship, it's online.
now i have this fear if
it's in real life, things happen and s**t can go down.
i dont know.
i just now that i'm not good with relationships. ever.
i didn't really gain any experience from the last one, considering i didn't do much.
all i know is not to do anything that can easily make a misunderstanding.
this is stupid. i don't think it's throwback anything.
the past keeps pulling me back, and holding me in.
these songs that keep replaying,
i like how he's got someone already, and she's pretty darn cute.
and here i am
left in the dust again, now that i think about it.
damn... random depression moment. i swear, it's never a good feeling.
all these emotions jsut start welling up inside of you and
if you keep or hold it in, it's going to overflow, then it'll explode.
i'm doing my best to prevent that but
i don't think i'm doing it correctly...
oh well. its another temporary depression.
i should stop listening to the songs we used to listen to, and i should stop listening to these songs that can remind me of you.
because, yanno, i already said that i moved on.
it's not cool how i wish i didn't.
it's not cool how i wish we were still together
not cool, when you are in the heights of love, happiness, and bliss.
when i'm in the abyss, stuck, and not that much miserable.
now i sorta wish i had a best friend.
everytime i try to keep one, it never really works out.
we would slowly stop talking, and eventually drop everything, but we'd still occasionally talk.
i can't keep a friendship steady, or a relationship.
i can't remember things, i keep forgetting things, unless its traumatic or memorable.
i'm loud, and rowdy.
i lead guys on just to hide my frustrated feelings.
i flirt like a whore to cover this pain.
i hate that new side of me.
this other "Rin" that i found.
i hated flirting, i never knew how to flirt, then aluva sudden i knew how.
this is a new life of me that i have to live by from now on?
well, ********.