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Well i felt i should just post something up here i guess.. Stuff that i think about when i'm hanging with my friends, when really i'm siting in the back all quiet thinking about life awhile they are talking about some real personal stuff. That i'm some what included; however i don't talk i just listen. Well it's pretty intresting in one of our conversations when they were talking about senses. That involve feeling other's emotions. Something that all friends can feel about how their friends feel, Like a sixth sense. Apparantly to him he can Sense all of his friends emotions. There are only two people he knows that he can not Feel anything from. As if they are focusing on hiding their emotions away from the others.

My friend [ Insert name Here ]. He is loveable guy, just like me or as he said. We both accepted the s**t that happens to us and we are living with the mistakes. few weeks ago i actaully broke infront of him. Took 20 mins to calm me down. Can't blame me, when you hold down years of despair deep down it has to come out in a terrible form and thats what was about to happen Before i broke down but i manage to stop [ Stoping there ]

The other dude is none other then.. Me. They thought i was asleep so they went ahead. Well i don't need to explain this since my other Friend who sat infront of me kind of sumed it out. "Tony doesn't Really focus on hiding his emotions. It's like him to have things just happen he's just too good at it. Sad as it sounds. I'm pretty sure he's gone through enough stuff that would make normal person kill them selves. " He's pretty much right. I'll be honest i've contemplated sucide numerously. and there were times i was about to go ahead and do it but let's not go far off topic. when you go through alot of pain wether or not you conquer it or not. You just seem to have no emotions or feelings from it. Because pain is forgetable. Honestly i just don't care anymore. Now i just want seek my life through and Do something with it. and Hey all the s**t i went through made me stronger. Though i don't really have much reasons to keep living, but my will is more of just to keep going, Well i think. I'm not even sure anymore, or perhaps i just don't know?

i thought that out in my head, fantasized as if i was talkin to my gf about it. or Soon to be my Girl Friend... It's more like ONE of us is waiting for the other to crack.. I'm gonna lose this one. or well win? it's more of a win win situation but sehsduasdjasdfj Something.

update: 9/30/12
[ It was a win but then i decided to turn down the prize. ] <- lol