I have learned how hateful and destructive I can be towards myself..I used to be plagued by memories of awkward moments from my life..(typically my adolescence)..and I would find myself constantly criticizing what I had done in the past..this..despite the fact that I could not change what had happened..In my mind..I would relive the worst moments of my growing up in an almost sadistic manner..never content to cut myself a break..Alternatively..there were times when my focus would be on the future instead of the past..How brainwashed we are to compete with others..to constantly compare our successes and shortcomings with anyone and everyone..What if I don’t pass the important test..or don’t get the right job? What if I am not as important or famous as my friend or some other contact? What if I never meet my true love? Such thoughts can wreck endless havoc in a person who has yet to take time to get to know himself in any meaningful capacity..Yet the moment someone can sit down and get to really examine what makes him or her tick and begins the process of observing the mind in it all its wrappings..these fears fade away and never return..I started to realize how meaningless these thoughts and anxieties were..as they involved things I could not change (the past) and things I did not know (the future)..The moment that actually mattered..the present..was being overlooked in a forest of worry which I was needlessly sustaining..
|