263...
I have approximately 263 days left in this hell hole before I can leave for Chicago (if I get accepted. If not, then for another University).
This morning mom and I got into a fight... It was really bad... I wasn't quite done with the chores she left for me when she came back from Costco and she started bitching at me, saying things like she never gets any help and that she's just a maid and chauffeur. Finally she got so mad she bitched me out for sitting down for a moment with Skylar before they left for his piano recital.
Just before they left she said to me that she was disappointed and hated "everything that I've become" and "everything I am". Then she left me alone to put up the Christmas decorations...
I don't think I need to say that I was crushed and I cried...
I tried to change, I really did. I mean, she kept telling me that something was wrong with me, that I was acting like a b***h and that I was acting as though living at home was a right and not the privalege it is. I tried my best, I worked hard but I couldn't keep it up... I got no encouragement, no "keep it up" or "you're doing great". The only one who ever encouraged me is my amazing boyfriend but I don't live with him, I can't run to him whenever something happens and I can't cry into his lap until I exhaust myself and fall asleep. Perks of a long distance relationship... All I have is my b***h of a mother and my two little brothers.
Sometimes, I dream about a life beyond the one I'm living. One where I'm out of this nightmare, living in a small home in the middle of nowhere. I wake up to my boyfriend lying on the bed beside me, I spend the day at a job I love and I come home to a handsome face and loving words. Right now it seems more like a fantasy that is forever beyond my reach but in 263 days I'll be halfway there. The hard part is getting there... Because I also have nightmares about lying down in the middle of a busy intersection... Or chugging a bottle of bleach...
I don't know what to do... All I know is that I have to get out of here... Soon... I can't put up with my mother, I can't put up with life here. Everyone treats me like there's something wrong with me, like I don't belong here, like I'm a waste of space...
I need help...
Girl_in_love61636 Community Member 
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