So I finally told a few adults about my suicide problem.
And now I'm seeing a phycologist. Its pretty interesting. Today was our first meet, and I can say that he did make me feel a little better. I mean, we didn't tackle all of my problems yet, but just the smaller ones first, like my worries/stress for SAT's, and math. But honestly, he did help me. I'm really hoping I can feel better, better about myself.
One week I was seriously thinking about suicide. Seriously. I would try to picture how I would do it. But I couldn't think of anything. I refuse to kill myself in my own home. I don't have a gun, and I live pretty far from any high buildings or anywhere else I can jump. I obviously don't want to suffer dying either, so..stabbing myself was out of the question.
But I don't know.
I can't do it.
Knowing that some people will miss me, I can't do it. Sure, people would get over it eventually. But I'd just feel so bad for leaving my parents. It'd obviously be too selfish, seeing as how they love me so much.
And hey, Dir en Grey is supposed to be coming to Boston in a few months. I gotta live to see that, right? I want to support them. There's so many things I haven't done yet. If I go, that, surprisingly, will be my first ever concert.
gyahh I just hope I can go. After finding out I have a possibility to go, I've been a bit happier.
I should just focus on music again and not care about anything anymore.
I'm losing my friends,
so music, art, and school is where I'll turn for the next two years or so. Again.
 Anisan0 · Tue Sep 27, 2011 @ 12:40am · 0 Comments |
