Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

http://www.gaiaonline.com/j/?mode=entry
hunny. im happy to see you mad eit home alright.

Report · 1:08am
I made it safe, yes.

Report · 1:08am
i
i read you note.

Report · 1:09am
I hope so. It came from my heart and mind.

Report · 1:10am
you are right. i could see myself changing. but if i have to change i want it to be for the best.
i am arittated that you said i wasnt sweet at all for a long time. i've treated you with nothing less of the kindness from the deepths of my heart.
yes. i admit that my mood today was very different. i do9nt knowe why i was like that
but i tried every thing i could make it up to you.
i souldof told you that i had work to do. and i sould have told you at the mall. or even b4 you left. on fb.
i
typo
there will never be a time where i will ever try to hert you. you mean the entire world to me.
nothing will ever change that.
i realize now that what i said was selfish. i was not thinking of how you felt and how you wanted to escape from your home.
you dont deserve that treetment from home. or anywhere else. espchally from me.
i fear that my time here will change me. much like it has in the past.
here at tyler's place.
i will do every thing i can to make sure i am the same person you said you loved then, and next time we meet.
i will NEVER go back to those ways. i know my mind was set on running today. i have no excuse for it, i know how i have been, i Will change for the better. i will change the way i know i sould. i will change for you.
if i could wish for any thing. i would take back how i was acting today. i will not let my stupidity get the better of me.
I swear, that i will always be the kind, loveing, crazy, romantic that you fell in love wiith.
i just hope that we can put this bad day behind us. i know these things take time. this one will take the most time. i hurt you very dearly, i hurt a lot more than my fellings, i hurt our relastion ship.
i almost distroyed what we had. this, the two of us togeather with so much happyness and joy.
i know we are perfect. i also know that our love is stronger than any one's in the world.
and if i have to hurt my self to show you that i would rather die than loose you. i will gladly loop off anything to please you. you are the most important in my life and you always will be. even if you decide that you think us through.
but please dont give up on us so quickly, give me but another chance to show you how i truely feel about you. give me a chance to shine. give me a chance to profe my worth to you

then if you still think that way. i will leave you be. but not a moment before. i will do anything to get things back to the way they were before. back to the days where we didnt care where we were or why. we were just happy to be there. smile  and we can be happy again.
so i have to ask you a single question; will you give me an other chance?

Report · 1:31am
( i gtg pee right now. i will be right back )

Report · 1:31am
(alright)

Report · 1:35am
okay. im back.
well... i just gotta say jameel... I totally wanted to punch his guts out.
Nosey b*****d
and his egomaniac problems with carl.
leave them be with him. I dont want to deal with it when I'm dealing with you.
Did you tell him anything when i left so sudenlly?

Report · 1:37am
yes. he asked if it was him.

Report · 1:37am
i said "no". sigh*

Report · 1:38am
i said, " yes and no. whats going on is, things are rough and your not helping." he left soon afterwards.
when you left i said it.

Report · 1:39am
it had nothing to do with him. at all. he needs to stop being so self-absorbed. but yeah i went directly home because i knew that i couldnt stay anywhere long or i'll just start crying in public. which wont look good at all.
i went to sleep and didnt eat anything. i woke up and wrote you that note. of how i felt.
if you read the very last 2 sentences...i promised you i'll give you a 2nd chance. And hopefully you can go exactly by your words. My expectations are so high right now because I'm about to lose it. But I do indeed have hope for the better.
always.

Report · 1:42am
smile  you know, i always go by my word. i will make every thing better.
why dont you eat something dear?
you wont regreat a thing, ever again.
smile  i promiss.

Report · 1:44am
ate them 2 oranges... sad  peeling skills are bad.
i hope so dennis.
i had questions of what u wrote earlier. but idk if you have the time to answer them.

Report · 1:45am
i always have time to answer you my sweet princess. .
Report · 1:45am
what do you mean by" i am arittated that you said i wasnt sweet at all for a long time"
well. what was i when i got here? i nothing short of sweet to you, for you and the next day. i know my mind swayed a little. and today. it was nowhere to be found. its being with tyler and his family. idk but it changes me when im around thm. try to remember, i was always different when im around them. trust me dear, when we get to Davis things will be so much better. smile  plus you dont have to worry about chai picking on yopu. illl kick her a** if she even thinks about it. biggrin 

Report · 1:52am
i called you sweet yesterday. i guess i didnt call you sweet today huh? and i hope they are not treating you poorly like the other times. if you're changing yourself to fit in, then im sorry to tell you that its not right. but it seems alright for now. I wish it goes well between you me tyler and his family this summer.
alright for now = things are going smoothly at his place with yu there

Report · 1:55am
.... thats because i didnt deserve to be called anything nice today. i know for a fact, that as soon as i leave his place for a day or two. i will go back to normal. smile  you just gota trust me.

Report · 1:56am
how do you think ur acting at his place?'

Report · 1:57am
i dont know. i get too used to it hear. then i start taking advantage of things. i dont want to do it but it just starts to overwelm me. and i start to do it unconsionsly.
i am trying to stop it though.
im washing dishes and such to get my mind set back to vallejo.

Report · 1:58am
you're in need of discipline. thats how u were raised.

Report · 1:58am
and when i got back today, the whole day hit me like a ton of bricks.
smile  you know me so well.

Report · 1:58am
what happened on the bus ride and when u came home.

Report · 1:59am
well i missed my stop.
i got home about 8.
i had to hoof it.
and i got lost
lol but it was fun.
i made me sad because i related it to earlier.

then i got angry about what staying at tyler's does to me. but then i got happy know ing im much closer to you now.
but i finally made it home. and had an apple.
and tyler showed me scott pilgram vs the world or something.
thewn we were just about to go to bed, when i got the urge to check fb. and i got your note.
and now i get to talk to you again.

Report · 2:02am
... are u on tylers bed?

Report · 2:03am
yeah. he moved over to the middle one because Erika lent him her laptop and its the only room for it.
he seams fine with it. plus i can get up and talk to you with out having to worry about wakeing anyone.

Report · 2:03am
oh. i see now. ... i still have one more question left.

Report · 2:04am
ask away my love biggrin 

Report · 2:04am
ok
well. you said something about running earlier. whether w/me or w/o me. idk. but if you didnt want to run with me today you could have just told me. dont try to be all like "im a man. and i gotta keep things to myself and not make myself sound like it want it". we can decide to not run for a long while. i dont mind. just tell me.
like *
Like I *

Report · 2:07am
im sorry dear i dont understand the question.

Report · 2:07am
what dont you not understand,hun?

Report · 2:08am
i dont understand what you are trying to say.
its this dam house.. its been changeing me. itd givin me a fked up mindset. I.e. why i felt bored while we were walking.
i know when it is and is not the "proper" time to go running.

Report · 2:11am
just tell me if "no, houa. not here". just say "no". i gotta figure it out myself and it took awhlie to realize it.
frustrating.

Report · 2:12am
sorry. dam me and my teen urges.
i will state from now on when i feel like we souldnt.
Dennis Tudor July 6 at 2:15am Report
smile you will feel so much better next time we see each other. you are my Princess and you *will* be treated as such.

Dennis Tudor July 6 at 2:18am Report
oh lol sorry XD
hunny?

Report · 2:17am
you sent it to my message instead...yeah.
?
fb is being stupid. it sent it again to my message.
do you see your responses on the im or messages?
both. idk wtf is oing on.

Report · 2:19am
so this sent to my im. good. idk. yeah.
any questions for me. you got to have some. well i think so. idk.

Report · 2:22am
the only questioni have for you hunny is: after what you heard from eariler, do you think we will be strong?

Report · 2:23am
yes hunny. i believe it to be. i know im still not at my best but i am better. and i am counting not only on me but you. it was my fault that i didnt plan anything.
and i know that you arent used to a day unplanned when there was excitement all around you the past days.

Report · 2:24am
it makes me so happy that you understand my situation.
but it still doesnt excuse me behavior today.

Report · 2:25am
of course. im not a self-absorbed b****. i know what was going on. and your situation as well as mine.
but yeah.
i'll still have hope.

Report · 2:26am
smile  lol no your not.
smile  i wil alwais belive in us.
hunny. i only got 3 hours befor i went to the mall last night. . im dead tired.
lol i need more naps XD

Report · 2:28am
do what you have to do, denn.
and blame minecraft.

Report · 2:28am
lol yes, i blaim mindcraft XD

Report · 2:29am
well goodnight.

Report · 2:29am
are you going to stay up hunny?
and sleep during theday?

Report · 2:29am
yes. i cant sleep. im going to be up for a bit

Report · 2:30am
oh, alrighty. smile  dont stay up to late oky doky? Princess need thier beauty sleep.

Report · 2:30am
lmao." i can sleep when im dead" ..j/k. its just a saying. i'll sleep when i feel tireds.
or better.

Report · 2:31am
lol i know, its a funny saying.
smile  alright dear. i hope you feel good enough to sleep

Report · 2:31am
ok.

Report · 2:32am
soon.*

Report · 2:32am
yeah soon. nighty night. sweet dreams.

Report · 2:33am
biggrin  sweet dreams my hunny.

Report · 2:33am
i love you ♥

Report · 2:34am
I Love you too!! ♥ ♥
by