so i don't particularly like anything at the moment.
spent the morning walking in a parade (was supposed to be handing out stuff, but everyone else had it covered...), went to sibley for the annual family campout, stayed there until a little bit ago.
fun fact: i don't especially feel like I belong in a family.
there is NO ONE my age there (the cousins that I should be the same age as are popping out kids like crazy), and it just isn't fun being a loner.
but i turned down the fireworks tonight because I WANT to be a loner. in that sense, though, it's because I didn't want to have to sit around another freaking minute with karen and her boyfriend all on each other and I have nowhere else to flee to.
still ticked off. always will be. she just doesn't understand my point of view on things.
*sigh* and then halfway through the silent car ride home (because the radio is UTTER CRAP), we get a call from mom saying lonnie's in the ER tonight from a biking accident.
idgas, honestly.
it sucks when you realize that talking about where you're going to college makes you feel embarrassed and not even remotely excited.
NOT COOL.
if this s**t keeps up, i'm taking a road trip.
dunno where.
i'll have to be back for work, of course...
but still.
maybe the college town, maybe montana, maybe michigan.
why?
i seriously doubt i made the right decision.
godsakes, I'M MOVING TO FAAAACKING IOWA- LAND OF NOTHING BUT CORN AND ______________!!!! *on the verge of a breakdown*
what's in iowa? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
the town makes me feel claustrophobic.
THERE ARE FREAKING FEED LOTS ON THE EDGE OF TOWN.
not to be entirely rude, but I don't get the feeling of utter intelligence, either.
it reeks of a culture I'm dying to get away from.
in my graduation cards, razink put in something about opportunity.
and taking advantage of it.
my dear, if the nearest "city" is three hours away, dordt doesn't exactly scream "I GIVE MY STUDENTS MANY OUTSIDE-THE-CLASSROOM LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES."
seriously?
*sigh*
but that's what the whole overseas thing is for, methinks.
just not anyplace in the southern hemisphere, please and thank you very much.
sometimes it's all you can do to just take things one day at a time.
i'm sorry.
i just don't want to take a BIG wrong turn, and look back and realized that I screwed up my entire life based on that one horrible, awful decision.
*breakdown*
View User's Journal
just watch me.
 |
