Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

You know, the usual life. Woke up late like always. Rushed my morning shower...I hate rushing my showers...Went downstairs and realized my older bro stayed up all night playing some yu-gi-oh game...He's such a grown up...LOL. It was around 78ish degree's this morning. Did my hair, brushed my teeth. My mom woked up and I had her give me a couple of dollars cuzzzzzz I was going to take a last minute rollerblading trip with the school. She told my bro to drop me off at my school, mmhm. (While on the way, this super slow car was in front of us going sooooo slow...)



Got dropped off at school..I didn't bring my bag or anything..It was hot but I was wearing a small hoodie. Went up to my class...And it was locked (Due to a teacher's meeting)...My school isn't all that big to be honest. Only about 150 students...Junior's and Senior's only. The trip was today..So I just chilled around the halls. I was asking everybody change for a 10...It was like 5 dollars for the fee..Finally got somebody to give me 2 5's. Basically, the whole "morning" was talking about old school music er, hiphop/rap music and going over the graduation brochure. I'm a junior but I'm participating in it..Got picked as an MC. (Not intimidated by almost anything...And I'm comfortable talking in front of people..Or huge groups of crowds..? As long as I'm prepared or know what I'm talking about...)


About 30 mins later the bus was here. Announced it on the speaker and I went downstairs to the frontdoor. Nothing special. When we got on the bus though, the temperature jumped up to like 89 degree's...Off to rollerblade. Took an unusually long time to get there...Guess the bus driver didn't know how to get there..I didn't really care though. Just chillin. Finally got to the place..As I said before, my school don't have that many people in it. About 40-60 kids got off to get their skates (me included). Went to a little table and sat there for a bit...Wanted to see who was going to skate first and I just wanted to observe everybody. Not to be racist, but please keep in mind I go to a "hood" school. Surprise, surprise, I'm the only Asian. Talk about being awesome, right?


I just sat and observed for about 15 mins before I decided to give it a try, er..Go join them skaters. Hiphop/rap music was playing. Ya know? Usually the songs with the loud bass...That goes BOOM! BOOMBOOM!....BOOM! BOOMBOOM! If only you can imagine that sound in your head. Was skating around a bit...Didn't really want to go all out..Wanted to keep my pace and relax a bit. Skated to a couple of songs here and there...You know, when those "grinding" songs or "gangstER" songs come on...Everybody skates throwing up their hands like some hardcore thugs..I just did my little shoulder roll rolling with the beat...Haaaaaaaa.


But then guess what? Those little freaky "hood" girls started requesting a whole bunch of "slow lovemaking rnb sex songs". I wasn't really feeling it so I got off the floor. Got myself a mixed slushie...Mmmm, U JELLY? x]
And basically I just sat around and skated here and there for most of the time...Also keep in mind that most of the people who came on this trip were seniors who were just enjoying their time because it's their last year here.


The songs got so bad that most people stop skating just because it was garbage. Only about 4-5 skaters by now...Nobody was really feeling the songs. Yeah, "unknown hardcore gangster songs in which nobody knows who the artist is" makes pretty good music to skate to. What's funny though, is that the DJ or music guy or whatever that guy's job is...Told us if nobody started skating then they'll turn the music off.


Of course the "hood" girls and boys jumped up and said "NO! We ain't skatin cuz de's songs are weak a** a b***h!" While they were sitting waiting for a "Dance song, or a well known gangsta song" to come on, they weren't skating..BUT they were dancing a bit by the tables. And of course, this one guy who was skating was in the middle of the floor dancing and shtuff...Doing the "Cat-Daddy" and moving his body with the rythm.


With like 15 mins left, and nobody skating, one of the teachers asked if we just wanted to dance. Keep in mind I dance a bit myself...One of the things about growing up "in the hood" is that you learn how to dance a bit to "loud bass" music...Yesh I got a couple of dance moves of my own...LOL. But it's more of, like, hiphop style of dancing though..


Anyways...That guy took off his skates and was in the middle of the floor dancing to the music. EVERYBODY else was just sitting there watching him. I would like to let you know, whoever is reading this, is that I am one of those guys who just aren't really intimidated by anything, or I like to stand out from a crowd, plus, most of these people were seniors so I'm not going to see them again..So yeah, Asian boi decieded to dance. Anyways, while everybody was looking at him dancing in the middle of the floor, I took off my skates "super smooth" and "smoothly, or slowly..." made my way to the guy who was dancing in the middle of the floor. (If you danced, you had to take off your skates, nobody else can skate once the majority decided they wanted to dance).


Funny thing is...That when I was walking over there, it was just me walking over there to the dancing guy...I heard a couple of chicks say "Za is going to kill'em" (As in Dancing type of kill..) Lolz.(Also, if you remembered, I'm the only Asian guy in my school so I stand out a lot..) He was over there doing his thing..I did one of those "Cross my arms across my chest, tilt my head sideways" type of body form and I told him "Show me whatcha got". He kept dancing, and while I was warming up a bit, (I seriously thought we was going to "dance battle", I would've probs got owned anyway..But I would've went out with everybody laughing). A bunch of "Hood" girls came onto the dance floor..I guess I broked the ice when they saw Asian guy walking on the floor ready to dance...LOL.


But it was all in fun, nothing very serious here. Of course, I was a bit nervous when I got on the dance floor..Just wanted to let ya know. Anyways, the "Hood" girls came on the dance floor and we was all dancing. It was one of those circles where everybody surrounds the dancing person and they're all like "Aye!". They surrounded the guy who was dancing earlier, me included. After one person got done dancing, another one went. And after the guy got done dancing..Who stepped up? Yeah, that's right, the Asian one.


I had everybody surrounding me..And I moved with the music. I cant really explain what my dance moves were..It went too fast..All I really remember was that I was "Gettin it" in hood terms. What's funny, is that they usually don't see an Asian guy dancing to hiphop and alone to even dance, yet, here is the only Asian guy in the school dancing hiphop with a bunch of "hoodrats". The circle got loud as hell...They like to say "geek'd" as in "geek'd up" or in normal language, just hyper. They were loud as hell and were super loud saying "AYE!" and keep in mind they just don't stand there and say it, they move with the music as well while surrounding me and watching me dance.


Funny thing about that dance circle is that, ONCE you get in the middle, all eyes are on you and you get to show them what you know and what you can do...Nevertheless they went crazy when I was dancing. Their were a couple of lame people on the sidelines watching us dance as well...A couple more people joined in after "The hood" girls walked on the dance floor. After "bustin tha move", I got out of the circle and somebody else went in the middle...Everybody got more "geek'd" up after I was done dancing since they've never seen an Asian guy dance like that before..Or it's just unusual to see an Asian guy dance lat all.


I hanged around with the circle for a bit and we all kept dancing, having fun. I left the dance floor and went over to a couple of friends who were watching. I asked them a couple of questions like.."Why aren't you guys over there dancing?" they said they wanted to skate or that too many people were over there dancing..But not that many people were dancing tbh. Only about 20-28ish people that were dancing. Then the guy who chose the music said that "they were going to play the last song", so of course I got back on the dance floor. Everybody started throwing up Westside. Ya know...The little gangster handsigns that you do..(Our prom got cancelled and all of the seniors said that this dance was their replacement prom, LMAO. I'm glad I made them have fun..Seniors are going to go..Aweee)


The music ended and we all left..Before I left though, I bought another slushie. Right when I walked outside, I felt a HUGE heatwave and some scorching sunlight. I got on the bus and somebody told me it was 97 degree's...It was THAT bad..Hot and humid as well. As is, STILL right now. Got on the bus and went back to school...Ironically, it didn't take as long as the WAY to the rollerblading place because I guess he knew his way now...? Finished my slushie on the bus, got back to school, and surprise! They bought lunch for us. One subsandwich, one bag of chips, and one juice..One of those little Capri juices. Moved to a different room and ate the lunch and I left...
p.s. The juice was warm..So yeah, it was nasty..


My mom was outside so I went outside and we came home. Didn't go to work today though, I had to go take a drug test for this new job..Bank teller..YUH JELLY?!?! Went to this local healthcare and took a drugtest...First time ever taking one too. But of course, I knew I was going to pass it anyways since I don't smoke or drink or do any of those illegal drugs or anything to make you "high". Why don't I do that? Bish, my body looks too good to be doing any of that sheetzz...But if you want to do that sheet, more power to yuh ho! o;<


You didn't need an appointment..So my older sis took me to a local healthcare place...Got inside their building..And they told me their "main server" was down. That sucked, but eventually, I was awesome enough that their computer worked for me to sign this and that for me to take the drug test. Took a little bit..About an hour? Mostly just waiting and signing papers. Finally got to take the test...And all I did was pee in a cup. Exciting right? Lmao. Then I left.


Once we got outside, it was even hotter..It's still HOT AS ******** ridiculous weather here in Wisconsin. Got home and my baby bro was crying. And my little nephew was on the couch crying. So sad. My older sis babysat them while I went on FB to check everything and to update my status. And I also ate some of the food...The only time where I eat something, ACTUALLY something. First meal of the day...


Then I got on Gaia. Talked to a couple of friends. A friend of mine...Told me to meet her in Rally. We hanged out a bit with two of her buds. I felt kinda like a 3rd or 4th wheel...Not really a comfortable situasian. Anyways..While I was on brb, they was checking my profile and stuff... -__-
I have no clue what they think of me..But if they think I'm ugly, STOP HATIN BISH! x]
But yeah, it was kinda weird..A lot of their random friends popped up and I didn't really feel like I belonged so I was brb most of the time. Then she left..But she didn't leave on "Gaia IM" so we just talked there.


Funny thing about me though, is that when I feel something, I tell you about it. For example..If you, in some way, somehow, made me blush, I'm going to tell you that you made me blush. Must be weird like that...Yet again, I keep my journal public and all of it is personal, so oh well. I guess that makes me, me. Anyways..My bud emileh told me her pops was from yugaslavia or something. Very interesting topic..But it was also a bit touchy...It involved her own personal life and I'm not going to type it down..I just feel like givin her a hug at that moment, ya know?


She told me she was going to dye her hair and she left. Then that other friend who told me to go to rally left. Then all of a sudden I just fell into a state of depression..Not in a "I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF" type of depression..Let me rephrase it, I fell into a state of loneliness. I know that their are times when women need certain physical things, right? They need a hug, a kiss, something. But guys need it too. Weird I know..But I know that I need or want it..I just want someone to hold me...Yeah, yeah, I know it sounds unmasculine and makes me look like a ******** chick but deal with it. I want to be held, I want to feel like I am wanted, I want to open up my feelings to someone, I want to let people know me on a deeper level.


But, what's best? Hugging your knee's sometimes is good option. Yeah, I may look intimidating or too manly but I have those insecurities as well..I have those emotional needs as well..So stop hating and stop laughing at me for letting you know what I am thinking about. For all I know...Every other teenage guy can be feeling the same thing I'm feeling...


Then that chick with her hubbeh sent me a random hug..Lmao. Stop flirting with me when you got a man. Or like I said, I might just be coming to conclusions of "mistaking her friendship as flirting or really liking me". Yeah, we humans make that conclusion too often. If she don't feel the same way as I do for her, I understand, it is my problem and I have to deal with it...Because I can see where she is coming from and I probably am just making too many quick conclusions so I can "believe" that I have found "The one".


I'm still waiting for time to make me become emotionally detached from her tbh. Friends? Yeah. But we can never be closer than that. Well, not anymore at least....That's what I believe in. My day isn't really over yet but I'm posting this. It's hot as hell...Going to be alone again...


This video and the lyrics are the perfect description of what I think about her and where out relationship will be going..



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Msoioc49III

Listen to it, or skip to the end..


Keep in mind the last lyrics. "But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you."


So I guess you already know how I feel about that relationship..



Forever alone </3.


And now I was just telling this new friend of mines that I wrote a journal..And I guess I inspired her to make her own journals.. xd
She's a koo person.


Thanks for reading all of this..I know you enjoyed it, these are all true raw and uncut emotional feelings...Your probably laughing right now at how vulnerable I am, so, stop hating.


New day tomorrow..