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so, it's done.

it's finally done.

and what a roller coaster it's been.

I've gone from despising it to wanting to stay there longer,

growing deeper in my faith than i thought possible

and meeting some of the best people in this freaking state of Minnesota.

but alas, there are regrets.

I don't like that tonight after our last concert karen wanted to go home, and I did it. I willingly drove away from my last real chance to hang out with them, to try to get to know them better.

but what does it matter?

that'll just be added to my list of high school regrets.

I didn't make this personal.

I'm quiet, and felt stupid talking to people because I have issues making conversation.

I didn't make the really good friends that i wanted to make.

I didn't get the guy,

I didn't make an impact.

Just falling through the cracks....................


I just can't believe it's all done already.

yes, we still have the prom thingy, but as far as the reason our group was created, we're done.

finito.

no more.

the end.


to note: the last song I played for in On Call was Chorus of the Saints; a D-chord.



CB, i'm tired.

incredulous.

ticked off.

regretful.

brain dead.

upset.

excited.

nervous.



and knowing that the last chance is pretty much gone. :]

there will be others

that i feel more... strongly? positive?.... about.

that, when i think of them, talk to them, look at them, i don't get this sinking feeling in my stomach for some reason.

And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love you make.


*shrug*













in other news, found out my place at national BPA. 17th out of 70. :3




love. like. every time it's a little different when it ends. sometimes it's a week-, month-, heck, even year-long depression where life just sucks. and other times it's just a shrug and a grin and life goes on.

this case is the latter.

teehee, i must be internally depressed to be writing crap like this. xDDD




yanosrsly, it's nothing lawl.



can't wait to get out of here, but now i don't know if I'm excited for where i'm going once i get out of here,

because technically by staying in a cornfield in iowa i'm still "here," in my terms. i think. o.e

*big sigh*

think i need to cry, but i can't for some reason.






where am I at now?


where do I want to go?


what's gonna happen, CB?