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When you enter into a BDSM relationship with your dominant, it is important that you understand your rights as a submissive...and you DO have rights. It is a common misconception among new submissives that they do
everything and take everything that their dominant dishes out to them. This could not be further from the truth. The word submissive does not mean you are a doormat.

Here are what your rights should be, as a submissive, when entering into a dominant/submissive relationship:

The right to an opinion. Just because you make a decision to enter into a BDSM relationship does not mean that you suddenly have no thoughts or opinions. If you have a concern, it is important that you feel free to express what is bothering you in a respectful manner. It takes two to make any kind of a relationship, and a dominant would be left standing alone without his submissive. Any dominant who tries to keep his submissive from expressing an opinion is not a dominant worth having.

The right to a safe word. Giving yourself to another person physically and mentally does not mean he has the right to abuse you. It is imperative that a submissive be able to have a safe word to use as a signal to her dominant if a scene becomes too intense for her, either mentally, physically or emotionally. A true dominant will encourage the use of a safe words and a true submissive will use them sparingly and only if absolutely necessary.

The right to set limits. It is important for a submissive to enter into her relationship with her dominant letting him know what her hard limits are. The BDSM lifestyle can include everything from light bondage to knife play. It is important for you to let your dominant know in the beginning what you are willing to try and what you will absolutely never try. This will help determine if you are a good fit for the dominant.

The right to express your feelings. Being a submissive does not mean you become a robot with no feelings. As a matter of fact, you will probably experience your feelings in a more intense way than ever before. It is imperative that your dominant allow you to express your feelings...no matter what they may be.


The right to see family and friends. A loving, true dominant will never try and keep you isolated from your family and friends. It is important for you to have this system of support and love in your life. A dominant
who tries to isolate you is not a true dominant. He is a mere control freak who is threatened by anyone else in your life who may care for you.

The right to good health. You, as a submissive have the right to good health. This means regular doctor visits, healthy eating and exercise. It means that when you are sick, you go to the doctor. It means when you need medicine, it is provided. It also means that if you are injured in any way during the course of a scene with your dominant, he will not hesitate to seek medical attention for you. A dominant who does not care enough to do these things for you is not a true dominant.

The right to leave. As a submissive, you are in the relationship with your dominant of your own free will. Therefore, it is important that you realize you can leave of your own free will. You have not been kidnapped. You are not being held hostage. Your submission is a gift to your dominant, and it can be taken back at any time if something goes wrong or does not feel right within the relationship. Perhaps you have a change of heart in regard to the lifestyle. Perhaps your dominant becomes abusive. Anything can happen. Just remember that you always have the right to leave. It may be emotionally difficult for you...but leaving any relationship is emotionally difficult on some level.

Never let a dominant strip you of your rights. You are a human being before you are a submissive and you are entitled to all of the rights listed above.