i feel like there are 2 of me.
one, has all my faults and shame, all the things i hate about myself and all the things others hate about me.
the other had all my potential and all the good things about me. the one that has the ability to do so much. the one that i'm not.
my mind is there, my eyes can see. my body is made out of my self loathing. i look across to a girl with a bright smile and a strong presence. the me whos not me. i'm amazed by how amazing she is as i look up from the crowd with eyes of amazement. it fills me with warmth and i am the loudest to chear. the people around me are angry with my loud cheering and ... the wave of my own hatred sweeps over me again. i watch as the me who is not me dose amazing things, makes people smile and feel worm. it's me, but i am not like that at all, i am simply to scared to be like that. it means hardship. having to deal with other peoples problems. having to not care about what people "might" think of me. how people "would" think of me. she strives to keep relations while being completely honest with herself and others. i merely strive to keep relations at all. she makes everyone laouph when it's time to laouph and helps them cry when they need to cry. i merely try to keep them happy all the time. she would give someone her last quoter and show them how to get the most with it. i would keep it in my pocket, thinking of it's potential and die being so selfish as to have it with me in the ground, having not spent it yet.
i don't know maybe it's just me, but the me that is not me seems a lot better then me.
 GumboRoll · Sat Dec 18, 2010 @ 01:25am · 0 Comments |
